Page 133 of Captivated
Nate handed them back. “And you still think about him?”
Dad nodded. “So I know what I’m talking about. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Life is too short.”
The same words Nate had written about Walt and his crush on the mailman, and how he needed to make a move.
Dad’s eyes were warm. “You’ve been through so much. You deserve some happiness.” He paused. “Nate, can I ask you something very personal?”
Another blink. “You’re one of a handful of people who can ask me anything.”
“You said you were too scared. I got the feeling you weren’t just talking about kissing Zeeb.” He paused. “Does what you want scare you?”
His stomach was in knots.
“Yes.” The word came out as a whisper. “And I’m not sure why that should be.”
“Maybe Dr. Lacey could help? If you feel comfortable discussing it with him?”
Nate expelled a breath. “I think I’d be more comfortable with someone who gets where I’m coming from. Someone who really sees me.” He looked Dad in the eye. “Someone who’s gay or bi.” And he already had an idea who that would be.
If Sol would talk to him over the phone.
He recognized the direction his thoughts were taking him.
I’m talking as if I’m going back there. To Salvation.
To Zeeb.
Dad leaned over and kissed the top of Nate’s head. “Thank you for trusting me.” He gave Nate a hug, and Nate breathed in his familiar scent. Then Dad released him and took a step back. “I’m going to try to help you.”
“How?” Nate smiled. “Unless you can find a magic lamp, rub it three times, and Zeeb pops out of it?”
Dad chuckled. “That wasn’t my first idea, but I’ll be sure to keep a lookout for any magic lamps.” He placed his hands on Nate’s shoulders. “You can’t go on like this. How many illustrations have you finished in the last two weeks?”
Nate bit his lip. “None.” He’d start work on one, and it wouldn’t hold his attention. His mind would wander back to the ranch. The horses. The people.
One in particular.
The last line from Zeeb’s text that morning still lingered in his thoughts.
What are you waiting for?
A solution that worked.
Dad patted his arm. “I’m going to start dinner.” He didn’t move, however. “Nate…”
He let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry I shut you out, Dad. I won’t do that again. After all, if it hadn’t been for you, I would never have visited Salvation.”
“I hoped it would be beneficial.” Dad smiled. “They didn’t list falling for one of the hands as a benefit, though.” He tilted his head, his eyes bright. “Is ‘falling for him’ an apt description?”
“Possibly?”
That was what plagued Nate. He didn’t know.
HowcouldI know?
Far too much of his life had been people talking down to him. Telling him he was sick. Diseased. Disgusting. Yes, he really liked Zeeb, but that didn’t banish those words. It didn’t make them release their grip on his heart and soul.
If I’d kissed Zeeb, would I have slid back into that scary place?
