Page 122 of From Angel to Rogue
“Yes, angel.” Lan smiled, twisting me to face him.
My palms cradled his stubble-covered cheeks. “Be careful, Lan. I love you too much to lose you too.”
“Lose me too?” He raised a brow, but he didn’t wait for my answer as he captured my lips in another kiss. For brief seconds, my worries fled as I kissed him back.
“You be careful too, angel. Call me anytime if you need anything.”
And with that, he got on his bike and swerved off our driveway, and I waved goodbye, praying to whatever God was hearing me to keep him safe tonight.
The echo of his earlier question boomed inside my head like the jarring speakers at a cheap nightclub.
Yes, Lan, I lost something.
Something on this very day six years ago.
Something so precious to me.
Something I could never get back.
Did I even lose it? Because I never had it…I wasn’t capable of it.
How pathetic, Katy.
It was six years ago, yet the pain was still fresh like a bleeding wound from a high-impact crash.
And this night out would be the perfect opportunity to numb some of that pain.
Soon, I was riddled with perfume and faking giggles with my so-called friends, who cared more about what they would wear to the Met Gala than me.
Not like I cared for them either. Being with them was just an excuse for me to fit in, an escape.
One drink became two, then three, and then I didn’t keep count. Everything they said went right in one ear and out the other, but the voice inside my head kept accusing me of the fake that I was. It became louder and louder as the alcohol flowed in my veins. I even popped a few of the purple pills that Ava gave me, but the voice wouldn’t leave me alone.
It was screaming at me, louder and louder, chasing around me like a dark shadow, no matter how much I tried to escape.
You are a fake.
The love that you call your rogue boy?The voice leered, laced with disgust.You’ve been lying to him, tricking him when all he’s done was love you. He isn’t going to leave because you can’t have children; he’s going to leave when he sees what a pathetic liar you are.
SHUT UP!
I cupped my hands over my ears. The sounds on the outside and inside my head were splitting my head in half.
I wanted to get the fuck out of here.
I wanted some quiet.
I carried my drunk self to the reception and asked for a room. Barely oriented as the dots of light swamped my vision. Even in this less crowded space, the voice grew louder and louder, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I had no clue how a key card appeared in my hand, but it did, and I was ascending somewhere in a mirror box.
The mirror that displayed the fake Katy.
Her red lips smeared, and her eyes glassed.
Her perfect hair all out of place.
Fake.
