Page 34 of Cinder & Secrets
“What do you mean, not exactly?”
“We didn’t really talk about it. We were, um, well, preoccupied.”
“But did he give you the impression he wants to be with you?”
“Yes. No. Hell, I don’t know. All I know is that he was reluctant to let me leave today and that has to count for something, right?”
“Maybe. Or maybe he just wanted to fuck you a few more times.”
“I don’t see the problem with that.”
“There isn’t one. Except it’s not just sex anymore, Char. Your heart’s involved.”
“No, it isn’t,” I’m quick to deny the truth even though I basically already admitted as much.
“I’m just saying, tread carefully. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Until he actually says he wants to be with you,andLyric knows, you need to be prepared that this may not go the way you want it to.”
“I know.” My good mood sours slightly.
“Okay. As long as you know what’s at stake.”
“I do,” I assure her, because really, I do.
“Then I won’t say another word on the matter. As long as you promise me that when this inevitably goes sideways, you won’t take me down with you.”
“I would never...”
“So you’ve got what, at least a couple of hours until you’re home?” she chimes in when I don’t continue.
“Closer to three.”
“Perfect. So you have plenty of time to tell me everything. Start from the beginning. Leave nothing out.”
And so I do.
I rehash it all, only leaving out the explicit parts that feel too personal to divulge in any great detail. By the time I finish, I feel lighter, having had a chance to say it all out loud to another living person. If I had to hold it in for much longer, I was likely to split apart at the seams.
Maisie hangs on to every word, only stopping me here and there to ask questions or clarify something.
And as we hang up the phone nearly an hour later, I’m struck by just how lucky I am to have her in my life. She may not realize it but being able to talk to her about this has given me a great deal of comfort.
Our relationship has always been a little rough around the edges, and it’s no secret that I tend to lean more on Lyric than Maisie, especially when it comes to sharing things I’m not entirely comfortable with. But in this situation, Maisie is the perfect person to confide in, and not because she’snotRiver’s sister, but because we’re a lot more similar in the way we are with men, and I just feel like she understands me better in that way.
Even still, it kills me not to call Lyric and share in my happiness the way I just did with Maisie. I could call her, lie and say it was Conner, but that feels worse than just not telling herat all. It was one thing when we were just talking, but things have escalated way beyond talking now, and I’m not sure I could look her in the eye ever again if I continued the Conner lie. I will let her believe that ship has sailed, and I think that’s ultimately better than cooking up more half-truths.
Besides, I only lied about Conner so that she wouldn’t constantly be asking me who I was talking to. Now that she’s moving in with Kai, she won’t be around to question me, so really, there’s no need to create more lies between us than there already are.
One day, she’ll learn the truth. I just hope like hell, when that day comes, she can find a way to forgive me.
“Are you excited to get back on campus?” River asks, the deep rasp of his voice making the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
It’s been three weeks since the weekend we spent together, and any fear I had that he would ghost me a second time had evaporated less than an hour after I returned to my parents’ house when he called me and talked to me for the entirety of his lunch break. And then proceeded to call me every single evening that followed.
We’ve even had nights where we’ve stayed on the phone so late, neither of us wanting to hang up, that I’ve fallen asleep to the sound of him breathing and have woken up to find the call still connected several hours later.
He hasn’t said anything, but I get the feeling he likes me a lot more than he’s trying to lead on. Not that I have any problem with that.
“Not as excited as I am to see you,” I tell him, stuffing some of the clothes laid out on my bed into one of my duffels.
