Glazed though they may be.
Which brings me to my second observation: he currently reeks of alcohol.
I shift my grip to his biceps. There is plenty of muscle for me to grab onto here, and this way I can steady him. He seems to be listing or like he hasn’t even realized he ran into someone. “Easy there, killer.”
At the sound of my voice, his glassy eyes seek out mine. “Magnolia, is that you?”
“Yep.” I cast a quick look around, hoping to spot somewhere I can get Collin to sit down. He’s dangerously close to tipping over forward. I’m applying the weight of my entire body in an attempt to keep him upright, but it’s going to be a losing battle here pretty shortly. I did not come downtown to be flattened into a sandwich on Main Street. Also, I’d rather avoid a scene. The locals who are milling about mostly seem to be minding their own business, which is nice of them. The bad news is I don’t see anyone I recognize, so it looks like Collin is my responsibility.
“Maybe you can help me,” he says.
My dispatcher hat falls into place. Helping people is what I do best. “What’s wrong?”
Collin’s head lolls back. “What isn’t wrong? My father wants me to—” He raises a heavy hand and clamps it over his mouth. “Nope. Can’t say that out loud. Silly me.” He moves his palm to his forehead and shoves his hat up his head before he hits me with a dopey grin which quickly falls off his face. “My car must’ve driven off without me. I can’t find it anywhere.”
“You’re not driving.”
He flinches at my stern tone. “DuhI’m not driving. You don’t need to tell me that.“ He pokes his finger in the general vicinity of my chest—or at least what he must think is my chest. He’s a foot and a half to the right.
He keeps jabbing his finger at the air. “Are you a ghost? You’re over here, but I don’t feel anything.” His eyes widen in horror. “What’s going on?”
“What’s going on is you’re drunk.”
He has the decency to look sheepish. “I am, am-in’t I? Drunk as a skunk. Drunk as a monk. Monks have perfected the art of wine and beer making. Who’da thunk?”
“You don’t say?”
“I ya-ba-da-ba-do say.”
Oh my word.
“Do you always quote Fred Flintstone when you’re drinking? How charming.” I don’t try to hide my disgust. I spin so I can get one of Collin’s arms draped over my shoulder. I support the rest of his body with my arms around his waist. As much as I don’t want to deal with him, I can’t leave him to fend for himself. It’s against my nature. “Let’s get you home. I’ll drive.”
Collin stumbles. “No. I don’t want to im-plode on your—” He scowls. “Inpose.” He takes a deep breath and then stutters with deliberate effort, “Imposeon your night. You probably have a hot date or something since you’re downtown, looking all—” He waves his hand in front of himself, gesturing to nothing in particular. I hold back a laugh. What I’d give to have him complete that thought. How does the mighty Collin Rattler think I look?
“Come on. My car is right over here.” I point to where I parked, and Collin follows the general direction of my hand.
He clicks his tongue. “You’re parked in front of a fire hydrant, ma’am. I’m going to have to ticket you for that vandalation. Vilentation.Violation.”
He looks way too pleased with himself for landing on the right word, three tries later.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? But joke’s on you,Officer. If you were seeing straight, you’d be able to tell that the fire hydrant is actually a red mailbox, so I’m pretty sure I’m off the hook.”
Collin scowls, but it lacks its usual effect since the Santa hat slips down over his eyes. “That’s it. I’m giving you an extra fine. Yep, that’s right, an extra fine for the sass. You sassy sass sass.”
I bite my lip, trying to hold in a smirk at Collin so completely off his game. When I think about how I’m going to lord this over him forever and ever, Amen, I let loose a full smile.
That is, until he rests his head on top of mine, releasing a drawn-out sigh. “You smell like fluffy waffles and sweet syrup.”
Gross.
I’m choosing not to think about Collin Rattler sniffing my hair as we make our way slowly toward the passenger door to my car. I open it and maneuver him inside.
I get his legs in front of him and crouch down on the road with the door still open.
“Rattler, I need you to focus for a second. Look at me.”
Collin blinks a long blink and then turns to face me, his eyes wide and expectant.
