Page 7 of So Much More
“The way I see it,” Randall says, “one of us might want more whether I’m hanging out on Wendy’s couch or I’m playing third-wheel to you and Ash at home. It doesn’t matter how much time we spend together.”
My stomach clenches. “Is that why you come over?” I ask him. “To avoid being the third wheel?” I think I might be sick.
“No!” he practically shouts. “This started before Ash moved in with me, remember?”
“Hold on,” Leslie says. “When exactly did this thing begin?”
I sigh. “That night I took you over to Randall’s place so you could tell Ash you were ready to date him.”
Leslie’s eyes widen. “This has been going on for amonth?How often do you see each other?”
“A couple times a week,” I say. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wanted to so many times.”
Randall says to me, “I shouldn’t have asked you not to tell her. That wasn’t fair to either of you. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m the one who should be sorry,” Leslie says. “This wasn’t the time or the place to confront you about this. I apologize, and I’m going to let everyone get back to work.”
She leaves my office and closes the door behind her. Randall and I look at each other.
“Are we going to keep doing what we’ve been doing?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I need to think about it. But we shouldn’t continue this conversation here.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod at him. “Why don’t you come over tonight so we can talk about it?”
three
“What iswrongwith you?” Ash asks from the love seat across from me.
I drop my head into my hands. “I don’t know,” I mumble.
“How did you think this wasn’t going to come back to bite you?”
When I glance up at him, he looks so high-and-mighty sitting with his arms crossed over his chest, I want to smack him.
“Stop it, will you? I know I screwed up. I shouldn’t have let this go so far with her, but I couldn’t help myself. She’s … ugh, I don’t know. It feels sorightwhen she’s in my arms.”
Ash gives me a thoughtful look. “Is it her in particular, or do you feel that way any time you hold an attractive woman?”
I sigh and close my eyes as I try to compare how it feels to hold Wendy compared to any other woman. I honestly can’t remember. All I can think about is how her tiny but curvy frame fits exactly right against mine, how her hair tickles my neck when she’s curled onto my lap, how our heartbeats and breathing start out erratic yet eventually sync up when I’m spooning her from behind with my hand splayed possessively across her belly.
“I’m a terrible, horrible person,” I say.
“That wasn’t a direct answer to my question, yet somehow you answered it. And the fact that you’re not your usual cocky self about this tells me you care a lot more about Wendy than you’re letting on to me or maybe even to yourself.”
I throw myself onto my back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. After a minute of silence, I turn my head to look at him. “Is she going to hate me?”
“I don’t know.” He narrows his eyes at me. “What are you planning to do that might make her hate you?”
“It’s not so much what I’m going to do as what I’ve done—starting this thing with her that I can’t finish. Because I did start it, and even if she doesn’t want to be with me, it’s going to make things weird between us when I end it.”
“Is ending it what you want?”
“No, it’s not what I want!” I punch the back of the couch. “I like her, man. I like her a lot, and I didn’t realize how much until the last week or so. But I have to put an end to it. I’m an absolute disaster. I screw up every relationship I’m in, and I won’t do that to her.I won’t.”
“What do you mean, you screw up every relationship? Colleen’s the one who jacked up this last one.”
“She might have cheated, but I drove her to it,” I explain.
