Page 126 of So Much More
Randall also smiles at me. If it were possible for an entire reproductive system to explode, mine would be doing so at this exact moment.
* * *
As soon as the hotel elevator doors close behind us, Randall’s mouth is on mine. When the doors open on our floor, he doesn’t stop kissing me but instead hoists me up so he can carry me down the hall.
“Put me down,” I say against his mouth.
“Not a chance.”
I pull my lips slightly away from his. “What if somebody sees us?”
“Why do you care? I thought you were secretly an exhibitionist.”
I giggle. “I guess I don’t care.”
And he’s kissing me again. When we get to our door, he fumbles in his pocket for the key, which is difficult with me in his arms and our mouths locked together. He finally lets us into the room and drops the key on the floor as the door slams shut. Then he presses my back against the door. His lips pull away and his forehead rests against mine as he says, “You’re sure this is what you want?”
“Mmmhm.” I press my lips to his again, but he doesn’t kiss me back.
“I need you to say yes if you’re sure,” he says.
“Yes. Stop talking.”
* * *
Some time later, we order an ice cream sundae from room service and sit on the bed feeding it to each other. The experience ends up being more entertaining than romantic, considering Randall decides to use his left hand again, which results in him getting more ice cream on my face and robe than in my mouth.
He leans forward to lick a drop of ice cream off my chin, and I giggle.
“Do you want to talk about what Emily asked me?” he asks.
I go still. “You want to talk about getting married?”
He nods. “I think we should. Is that where you see us potentially heading?” He feeds me another bite of sundae before I can respond and adds, “Because that’s my goal.”
“It’s yourgoal?”I mumble around the ice cream.
His face goes slack. “It’s not yours?”
I swallow quickly. “Baby, that’s not what I’m saying.” I place my hand on his knee. “Yes, that’s where I see us potentially heading. But you said it as if you’re checking us off a list of life goals. College, check.” I make a check mark in the air with my other hand. “Law school, check. Job, check. Marriage, check.”
He captures my hand in his when I make the last check. “You know that’s not what I mean.”
“Do I?” I take a deep breath. “I’m not trying to start an argument here, and I don’t doubt your love for me. But I don’t want you to see our relationship as an achievement or the next thing you need to accomplish in life.”
“It’s not. I promise. I want to marry you because you’reyou,”he kisses the back of my hand, “not because I think it’s the next thing I need to do.”
When I register the lack of the word “potentially” in his statement this time, my heart rate picks up along with my breath rate. He can’t mean it, can he? And if he does, can I allow myself to believe it?
“Is this conversation making you anxious?” he asks me.
“A little,” I admit.
“Why?” He kisses my hand again.
“Because we’re moving really fast all of a sudden. It’s been an emotional week. I don’t want us to get ahead of ourselves here.” I look down. “I’m afraid this is all too good to be true, and you’re going to wake up in a few days and wonder what you’ve managed to get yourself into.”
He puts a finger under my chin and tilts my head up until I’m looking at him. “Babe, don’t let your fears steal this from you. There’s no one else I want to spend my life with, and I need you to believe that. I’m not going anywhere without you. You can trust me to be here for you always.”
