“Yes, but please don’t ignore the rest of what I said. You’re not just a funny guy who goes with the flow. Maybe you used to be, but you’re not now. You’re not when you’re with me. You’re not when you’re with your sisters or Ash or your mom.”
“I know I’m different than I was, and I like who I am now, but it’s not necessarily easy. I’m not used to being this responsible person who has people depending on me. I’m afraid I’m going to fail and let everybody down.”
“You will fail at times. Everybody does. But then you make things right as best you can and move forward, and you don’t do it alone. You do it with the love and support of the very people you failed. That’s the way family is supposed to work. You stick together even when you screw up or you’re scared or you don’t know what to do.”
“I can see what you’re saying, but that’s not the way my family has worked in the past, so it doesn’t come naturally to me. I don’t automatically know these things. I’m going to need you to teach me.”
“I will. But I don’t always get it right, either. I haven’t gotten everything right with you.”
My forehead wrinkles. “What are you talking about? You’ve done everything right.”
“I haven’t. I should have told you I love you weeks ago, but I was terrified. At first I was scared to fully trust you again, and then I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way and you wouldn’t say it back, so I refused to admit it. But you loved me all along. I know you didn’t tell me so because you were letting me move at my own pace due to my insecurities, and I’m sorry I put you through that.”
“It wasn’t a hardship to love you without knowing for sure when or if you would love me back,” I say.
“Maybe not, but if I had trusted myself and trusted you, I could have given you more of myself this week when you needed what I was afraid to give.”
“You’ve given me everything I’ve needed this week.” I lean forward and softly kiss her forehead and then her lips. “Please don’t regret not doing some things sooner. I don’t, and I never will. If you didn’t feel right telling me you loved me earlier, you shouldn’t have, no matter the reason. I was prepared to quietly love you for as long as it took for you to be ready.”
fifty-six
“Are you going to be my uncle?” Emily asks Randall at dinner.
I feel my face heat as Andrea’s mom stifles a laugh and Randall’s eyes widen.
“Emily,” her mother chastises, “that’s not a polite question to ask.”
“But why not? They love each other, so that means they’ll get married, and then he’ll be my uncle, and then they’ll have babies, and I’ll be their big cousin!”
“That’s not always the way it works, honey,” Andrea says, shooting Randall and me an apologetic look.
Emily gets on her knees on her chair and puts her hand on Randall’s shoulder, which is easy for her to do since she insisted on sitting next to him. “But don’t you want to marry Aunt Wendy? She’s really great. She’s the best aunt I’ve ever had.”
I smile at her statement, even though I’m the only aunt she’s ever had.
“She’s the best aunt anybody will ever have,” Randall says as he covers her tiny hand with his own, making my heart stutter. “And she’s greater than great. As for whether I’m going to marry her, that’s something she and I need to talk about before we tell you about it.”
“Okay.” Emily looks back and forth between Randall and me. “You can talk about it now.”
He laughs and ruffles her hair. “I think we’ll talk about it later when it’s just the two of us. But if we decide we’re going to get married, I promise you’ll be one of the first people we tell. Okay?”
She nods and removes her hand from his shoulder.
“But for now I’ll tell you a secret,” he says. “Do you want to know what it is?”
Emily’s eyes go wide as she nods again.
“I have a nickname for Aunt Wendy that only I use, but I’ll let you use it, too, if you want. But only you can use it—not your mom or your grandma or anybody else.”
“Okay,” she says breathlessly. “What is it?”
“Glinda.”
Her little nose wrinkles. “Glinda? Why do you call her Glinda?”
“Have you ever seenThe Wizard of Oz?”he asks.
“Yep.” I can tell she’s trying to connect the dots. “Oh! The good witch! Her name is Glinda!” She claps her little hands. “That’s the best nickname for Aunt Wendy … I mean Aunt Glinda.” She beams at me.
