The waiter interrupts with our entrees and Connor and I launch into an easy flow of dinner conversation from there.
He asks about my last three years of college and I tell him about some of my classes and professors. He asks more questions about my internship and I don’t hold back. He doesn’t ask about any of my romantic relationships and I don’t tell. Not like there’s much to tell anyway.
The most genuine gleam of pride flashes in his eyes when he asks me what I read these days and I confirm I lean mostly into romance and historical fiction, but that I do still like to rereadLittle Womenevery couple of years.
He asks about the journey to finding my birth mom and I tell him about the lackluster DNA kit results and the detective I hired.
He updates me on his family. His parents, Andrea and Patrick, have fully embraced retirement out on the Outer Banks of North Carolina since Connor graduated high school. Everett, his oldest brother, has two daughters with his wife and his next oldest brother, Owen, got married last year and they’re expecting their first child, a son, in January.
And so the conversation goes, back and forth, without any forced subject changes or awkward silences. We smile, we laugh and it all feels so easy. It feels like…us.The us we werethen.
When the check arrives, he insists again on paying for dinner and, this time, I don’t fight it.
On our way out of the restaurant, Connor places a hand on my lower back as he ushers me out the door. The warm summer air envelops us like a cozy blanket freshly pulled from the dryer. Thesun has set and only the faintest hint of color remains in the sky, broad strokes of soft amber glowing along the horizon.
A lot can happen in a day.
Today hasn’t gone how I expected. But now that I’m here, I’m content to be here with Connor.
I could have kept his number blocked, cut him out of my life, moved back to New York and never looked back all in the name of retribution. But he’s here and it’s forcing me to acknowledge the truth of the matter, which is that no amount of hurt I feel over what happened discounts how much I’ve missed him.
I know that inevitable conversation is looming, but I’m not scared of it anymore.
When we reach the car, he holds the passenger door open for me. Instead of getting in, I drop my clutch on the seat and spin to face him.
Connor stands with one hand on the door, the other hanging loosely at his side. I close the small gap between us and wrap my arms around his neck while his loop around my waist.
We linger. Stalling, waiting, I’m not sure. He surrenders to my lead, his hold on me only as tight as mine on his. I know he’ll let go as soon as I’m ready.
But I don’t want to let go.
With a tortured breath against his ear, I whisper, “I missed you, too.”
The heavy sigh that flutters my hair feels like relief andfinally. I squeeze him tighter and his arms do the same, drawing me to my toes. His head nestled against my neck, we begin to rock gently from side to side, one foot to the other and back.
We stay right here. Swaying. My forehead on his shoulder, his breaths coasting my collarbone, as though a single hug can make up for a thousand missed ones.
Chapter Sixteen
THE BOOK
Connor
twelve years ago, summer
“Dida garbage truck hit you on your way over?” I arch an eyebrow at my friend’s disheveled hair and gnarly t-shirt that I’m pretty sure is the same one he was wearing when we went out last night. Willing to bet he slept in it, too.
“Something like that.” He tosses his gym bag into one of the storage cubbies, stifling a yawn. “Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s cool, man. I’m almost finished.”
Drew lowers on to the weight bench next to me, sticks in his earbuds as I replace my own and we settle into our respective workout circuits.
Ten minutes later, I finish all my reps and plop down on the empty bench beside Drew with my post-workout drink. I give the shaker cup a quick jostle and gesture for him to remove his earbuds.
“What did your parents say?” My family has rented a cabin up in Door County, Wisconsin for next weekend. Both my olderbrothers will meet us there and, to my surprise, Mom and Dad said I could invite a friend.
“Dude, I can’t. I forgot it’s Gretchen’s birthday next weekend. My parents won’t let me skip her party.” Drew drops his weights to the ground between sets.
