“Connor, I don’t want?—”
He holds up a hand to stop me. “I know this isn’t the time orplace and I respect that. I’m not trying to rush you or force the conversation, I swear. Honestly, I’m terrified that you’ll never want to talk about it and I will have ruined what we had forever. But can I at least say one thing?”
I blink slowly and nod.
“If I could go back in time and have a redo of that night, that weekend, I would do a million things differently, but I can’t. All I can do now is say that I’m sorry for…all of it. You deserved so much better.”
Heart, meet Break.
Except, we’ve already met. Abandoned on a balcony three years ago, we became best buds. And here we find ourselves again.
He regretsall of it.
“Gretch, I need you to hear me,” he continues and I push down the emotion thundering behind my sternum. “I understand if you hate me, because I deserve that. But no matter what, youcanstill trust me. That’ll never change. With all of it. With everything. You can trust me with it.”
That’s the crux of it all, I realize. That, in the face of everything, I’ve never been able to let him go.
Despite the hurt, he’s always been the person I’ve wanted to run to when I’m hurting. Even though he ghosted me for three years, I still held out hope until the last possible second that it would be him here in Arizona with me. Regardless of the fact he was able to move on so quickly, I still can’t find it in me to stay mad at him because, before it all, he was my best friend.
That’s the funny thing about best friends—the wounds of mistakes and regret bleed red like any other, but it can also be the most natural to forgive. Unlike another best friend in my past that I forgave and left in my rearview, my friendship with Connor is one I can’t bear the thought of losing for good.
“You’re one of the most important people in the world to me, Gretch. I know that may be hard to believe given the past few years, but…” Our eyes lock, everything we’ve missed about each other floating in the current between us. “I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. If you ask me to never tell Drew or your parents about this. I solemnly swear to God”—he raises a scout’s honor hand—“Fish, it’s done. It goes with me to my grave.”
I reach for my water and huff out a breath. Thank God he can’t see my insides that turn all warm and fuzzy.
“Yeah, I called you Fish. I think, deep down, you still love it.”
I peer at him over the rim of my glass, unable to hide the smirk on my face.
Connor questions my ability to trust him when the reality is, I do trust him. No matter how hard I may try for the contrary, my hopes and dreams, stories and secrets, always manage to find safe harbor in this man.
“And if this trip goes off the handle?” he continues, lightheartedly. “Say, we meet this woman and she’s some sort of crazed lunatic and you need to hide a body? I got you.”
His smile beams and my shoulders drop, meeting my somersaulting heart in my chest.
“We go on this hike tomorrow—you said that’s tomorrow, right?”
I roll my lips between my teeth to contain the smile that threatens to split my face in half and he takes it for the confirmation that it is.
“Yeah, we’re hiking and you bite it. Your bone breaks through your skin, we’re miles from civilization, cell phones aren’t working. I’ll Usain Bolt it outta there to find help.”
Contained amusement rattles my chest. “You’d leave me there?”
“Exactly. Hear me out. I’d leave you there, but then I’d come back on a white horse with an EMT, Diet Coke and peanut butter M&Ms in tow,” he finishes, face alight with heroic pride.
My head falls back on a full laugh. When I look back to Connor, I can’t get a read on his expression.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing. It’s just…I missed this.” He runs his gaze over every inch of my face like he’s committing me to memory—or getting lost in a memory—and I don’t miss when he pauses on my lips for a moment too long. “I missedyou.”
The column of Connor’s throat bobs slowly, his facetransforming from soft to pained. His brows furrowed just enough for me to take notice, but I’m not sure he realizes he’s doing it.
“I know I may not have been your first choice, Gretch.” He fights a scowl before leveling his features. “But I’m really glad I’m here.”
You’ve always been my first choice.My throat locks up at the confession—it gives away too much of how I feel.
Friends, I remind myself. “I’m glad you’re here, too.”
