Page 89 of Throne of Ice and Blood
Because I don’t know what’s real anymore.
I’ve felt drawn to Draven for weeks now, and I thought that it was because part of me liked him. Liked who he is. Even the ruthless and domineering sides of him. Especially the ruthless and domineering sides of him.
But now I don’t know anymore. Did I only feel drawn to him because of this accursed mate bond?
A sudden and bitterly ironic realization crawls up my throat like bile.
This, what I’m feeling right now, must be what my parents felt all the time while I was growing up. This maddening sensation of never knowing if their feelings were real or if they were just the result of me unwittingly manipulating them with my magic.
In fact, this must be howeveryonefeels when they’re around me.
Harsh laughter, tasting of blood and acid, escapes my throat. Tears sting my eyes as I bury my cheek deeper in the pillow.
After what I did to my parents, I suppose I deserve this.
At least the universe has a fucking sense of humor.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Strong arms are wrapped around me. I blink, trying to remember where I am. A pale ice wall on the other side of a room with dark wooden floorboards. A soft bed with dark gray sheets. And a warm muscular body pressed tightly against my back.
That confused sleepiness is swept away like mist by a strong morning wind, and I’m suddenly wide awake.
Draven.
At some point during the night, he did what I suspected he wanted to do last night. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
Since I’m only wearing that short silk nightgown, and he is only wearing a pair of underwear, I can feel every ridge and every curve of his body as he holds me tightly. His forearm is positioned along my chest, between my breasts, and his hand is resting straight over my heart. As if he needs to feel it beating in there to reassure himself that I’m still alive.
And it all feels so… natural.
Part of me wants to be shocked and outraged that he wrapped his arms around me. That I can feel his muscular chest rise and fall against my back. That I can feel his cock pressingagainst my ass. That he touches me this intimately. But the other part of me never wants to leave this bed. Wants him to hold me like this every night. Because it feelsright.
My chest tightens as an entire wave of conflicting feelings crash over me.
Dragging in a strangled breath, I try to keep from drowning underneath the weight of it all.
My feelings for Draven were already complicated before he revealed the truth about this stupid mate bond. I feel free and strong and powerful when I’m with him. Which is an incredibly impressive feat considering that I am literally his prisoner right now. But there is something about him, something about how he sees me and how he treats me, that makes me feel, for the first time in my life, that I don’t have to hold myself back. I don’t have to make myself smaller for him to accept me. On the contrary, he challenges me to take up even more space. To say what I really think. Do what I really want. Be who I really am.
But at the same time, he ranks in the top three of my biggest enemies. He and Bane and Jessina are the biggest threats to our resistance movement and the biggest obstacles to freeing the Seelie Court. In order to overthrow the Iceheart Dynasty, we would need to neutralize Draven. Which means either capture him or kill him. Or turn him. But from what I’ve seen, he has no intention of ever leaving the Icehearts. He is actively, and with almost single-minded determination, hunting the most important human resistance fighter. He is standing in the way of everything I want to achieve.
And as if that wasn’t enough, now I find out that I’m his fated mate. Which means that those feelings I had started to develop might not even be real. They might just be a side effect of the mate bond. Just like his feelings for me.
I heave a frustrated sigh. Goddess damn it. Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated?
Draven stirs behind me. I wait for him to yank his arms back and scramble out of bed when he realizes what he’s doing. But he doesn’t.
A low contented groan comes from deep within his chest, and he pulls me even closer and buries his face in my neck.
My heart does a backflip in my chest.
Draven draws in a deep breath through his nose, as if he is breathing me in, and when he lets it out, his warm breath caresses the sensitive skin on my neck. A pleasant shudder rolls down my spine.
He stiffens behind me.
For a few heart-pounding seconds, he remains still as a statue. Then he does what I assumed he would. He yanks his arms back and quickly rolls back to his side of the bed.
The sudden loss of his warm body against mine is like having a bucket of ice water dumped over me. I quickly scramble out of bed as well.
