Page 88 of Throne of Ice and Blood
“How did…” I begin.
But then I trail off as a realization, a horrifying realization, crackles through my whole body like a vicious lightning bolt. It’s so intense that I think I gasp. Gripping the back of the armchair harder, I try to steady myself as I force in a deep breath and then drag my gaze back to Draven.
“Is that why you tried to stop me from winning the Atonement Trials?” I breathe, my eyes wide as I stare at him. “Is that why you tried to save me from this fate? Because I’m your mate?”
Draven opens his mouth to reply, but then he appears to change his mind and instead just shifts his weight awkwardly and glances away. Which I suppose is answer enough.
Something between a sob and a broken laugh rips from my throat.
All this time, I actually thought that he had tried to save me from this fate because he genuinely cared about me. Because he saw something in me. Because he got to know me during the Atonement Trials and began to like me for who I was. Began to like me because he saw who I really am. Saw the parts of me that no one else ever does. And liked it.
But instead… Instead, he only tried to save me because this damn mate bond between us was forcing his instincts to protect me.
Something small and very fragile inside my chest just… cracks.
And the pain of it is so intense that I have to bend over and brace one hand on my thigh as I drag in a shuddering breath. Prying my other hand off the armchair, I press it over my heart and grip my shirt hard. But it does nothing to stem the pain that bleeds from that fragile shattered piece inside me.
I thought that I had finally met someone who genuinely saw me and understood me and wanted to be close to me instead of keeping me at arm’s length because of my magic type. But now I will never know what Draven and I might have been to each other. What we might have felt about each other on our own. Because the fucking universe has already decided for us what we should feel.
“Selena,” Draven whispers, and his hand brushes against my arm so gently that I almost start crying.
Instead, I pull anger around me like a shield as I straighten and slap his hand away. “Don’t touch me.”
Hurt pulses in his eyes again, but he lets his hand drop. And he says nothing.
Shaking my head, I start backing towards my bedroom. “I will sleep in this room tonight.”
“Don’t,” he begins, desperation lacing his voice.
That utter desperation shocks me enough that I hesitate. Which only makes me even more angry, so I end up snapping, “You’re going to force me to sleep in your bed? Because I’m your mate and that means I belong to you?”
He rocks back slightly as if I had slapped him.
Regret and guilt worm their way through my chest. I stamp them out.
Draven swallows and then draws in a breath as if bracing himself. “No, I’m not. I’masking youto sleep in my bed.”
“Why?”
“Because I felt your fear. I felt every second of your heart-wrenching terror when you thought you were going to die, and I just… I just need to know that you’re safe.” Desperation shines in his eyes as he holds my gaze. “Please.”
My heart squeezes hard.
And deep down, I know that I’m being cruel and utterly unfair. I know that I’m taking my pain and anger out on the wrong person. After all, it’s not Draven’s fault that I’m his mate. He had as little choice in this as I did.
So in the end, I find myself whispering, “Okay.”
Relief washes over his features, and he gives me a small nod. Then he disappears into his bedroom without another word.
After I have gotten ready for the night and put on that short black nightgown, I slip into Draven’s room.
Part of me is hoping that he has already fallen asleep. But the moment I step across the threshold, his intense eyes immediately lock on me. As if he was worried that I was going to go back on my word and sleep in the other room anyway.
Pushing the dark gray cover aside, I climb into bed and roll over on my side so that my back is to Draven. He says nothing. Neither do I.
Oppressive silence hangs over the entire room.
Just like every night, Draven has shifted into his fully human form and sleeps only on his side of the bed while I remain firmly on mine. But tonight, I can feel his eyes burning holes through my body as I lie there with my back to him. I half expect him to wrap his arms around me and pull me close. Part of me wants him to. The other part wants to scream into the abyss until I taste blood.
