Page 77 of Generation Omega: Revealed
Okay, I’ll play. “How are people unintentional liars?”
“They don’t have a clue who they are, so they can’t help but lie to themselves and everyone around them.”
I can’t exactly argue with that. “Do you know who you are?”
“Yes.”
“Really? Then tell me this. Do youlikewho you are?”
He doesn’t answer and the silence stretches comfortably between us, soothing in its certainty. He’s not giving me the silent treatment. He’s thinking, measuring, learning, and waiting to reach a truthful answer that doesn’t waste our time. “I can’t answer that. I need time to consider the ways my life has changed and what it means.”
“That’s fair.”
My heart seems to beat with his and I enjoy the restful cadence, as though I’m safe here with my would-be murderer. Since I’m shirtless, except for my gauze accessories, I can feel the soft texture of his shirt. I find myself wondering what it would be like to have my skin directly against his.
I quickly shove that thought away, but then he raises my hand and tends the bite. I groan, the pleasure and solace almost too much to handle. The memories flash in my thoughts, what it felt like the first time he licked the bite. Beyond the instant numbing of all pain, there was something more, something deeper, like a seed thrown between the cracks in the broken pavement inside me.
As he nurses the bite, I remember the seed within me taking root in rich soil that never existed before him. The seed began to grow, tearing through the pavement and all the defenses I erected with faulty tools and second-hand supplies. I never had enough to truly defend myself, so I became strong. I learned to take a punch and deliver them without remorse. I had to be on offense all the time because there was no safe space inside me—until now.
That one seed inspired dozens more and now there’s a thriving garden inside me. I’m more alive than I’ve ever been, safer than I’ve ever been, and also more confused. I have no shield from him. He could destroy me from the inside, but that fear can’t take root because I know on a cell-deep level that he won’t. Or at least, it would never be his intention to harm me.
“You’re right about that,” he murmurs. “I won’t ever intentionally hurt you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t. This is new for both of us, and I have no experience in caring for anyone. I will fail you often, but I will never stop trying to do right by you. I will learn, and instinct will be my guide.” He pauses. “These instincts are…”
“Loud,” I answer for him, just realizing what I’m hearing—a voice telling me to call himalpha. “Can you hear what the instincts are telling me?”
“No, everything goes quiet in you when the instincts are involved.”
I’m grinning now. “Looks like I might be able to keep some secrets.”
“No secrets,” he mutters, but I feel his indulgent satisfaction at whatever makes me happy. His mood changes swiftly though, darkening. “Bondmarks aren’t meant to be given without consent, though history is filled with those who didn’t get that message. Everything I hate about the omegaverse stems from its lack of consent. I did this to you, took your choice away—your chance to free yourself from this madness.”
The quiet is less comfortable now because he’s caught in the grip of his own self-judgment. The instincts tell me to let him find his words and give him honesty, even if it’s brutal.
“I don’t want to ask you to accept me… I shot you. It wouldn’t be healthy for you to forget that. But I still want to know if there’s a chance that you won’t curse the day we met and the life I took from you. I did that… I didn’tendyour life, but I still stole it. You will never be a normal beta living a normal beta life.”
I consider just letting him hear my thoughts, but this is too important to leave unsaid. “If you promise not to regret saving me, then I promise not to regret being saved.”
He doesn’t like my answer. He wants something more. But I don’t have more to give right now. All of this is too confusing and, until I talk to Tillie, I don’t know how to feel about this. Yes, I feel safe, but he’s not safe. He’s a killer. He hasn’t explained why he hates the omegaverse so much, other than its lack of consent, which just seems odd for an assassin.
I don’t know who he is. I don’t even know his name. That makes me flinch.
“Kaz… Kazimir Volkov,” he answers. “I asked for too much. It was wrong of me.”
As though not wanting to compel more from me, he releases my wrist, while resting his now-intertwined hands on my torso. This should be strange, to be held by him, but it’s so natural I barely even noticed at first.
Curiosity gets the better of me and I set my hand on his thick arm, the bondmark tingling when it meets his bare skin. “We’re stuck with each other and, regardless of why you were there, you didn’t choose this either.”
“I chose you.” His intensity is back. “Ichoseyou, Ethan—you were my last act of free will. Don’t ever doubt that.”
My heart beats faster. “Yes, but you didn’t choose to be in this situation. You didn’t choose to be an alpha.”
“That’s true and, without you, I would have already freed myself from it.”
I turn my head, attempting to see his face, but I only manage to find his impressively impassive profile. “What does that mean?”
“Dead men aren’t controllable.” Neutral-sounding words for something so dark and final.
He would have died before submitting to the omega legacy—I believe that. But he won’t end his life because he’s responsible for me. I won’t ask what happens to me if he dies. I don’t want to know. The power and truth hit me… I’m alive because of him and he’s alive because of me.
