Page 20 of Outside the Lines
He laughed. "Sure thing. Have a nice time. Text if you're not coming back home tonight so I know not to call the cops and the hospitals."
"He's not actually serious about that, is he?" I asked Trin when we were walking to my car.
Trin nodded, but waited until they were tucked into the front seat of my car to really answer me. "When you don't play by gender norms, sometimes the world can be a dangerous and scary place. We've both been harassed at one time or another. Unfortunately, it's par for the course of life when you're not absolutely cisgender."
I frowned and reached over to take their hand. "I know I asked you this before, but are you sure that you're safe here?" It had seemed like a quiet little neighborhood.
Trin looked over at me and smiled. "I am. And even if I wasn't, I wouldn't move without Andy, and he absolutely loves it here. Most days. There will always be people who want to cause issues. You know how this world is not often a safe place for trans people.”
“I worry about you being out here.”
Trin nodded. "I'm not trans. I'm not male or female. Sometimes I think I might want to feel more stereotypically feminine or masculine, but there is no strong force within me that says I am a man and these are my reasons why, or one that says I am a woman and this is why. I'm wearing women's clothing tonight not because I feel like a woman but because I wanted to be pretty and they make me feel pretty. And I thought it would be easier if we went out with me looking like a woman."
Everything else that they had said got pushed aside with that last statement. "You chose what you're wearing because of how people would have treated us?"
Trin gave me a shy little smile. "I'm used to the stares and the questions. I have kids come up to me all the time and ask me if I'm a boy or a girl. I've gotten comfortable with my life. You're just entering it. I wanted to give you time to come into it before that often uncomfortable attention also moved to include you in it."
"If you were just going out with Andy, would you have worn this?"
"Andy and I get more take out than anything, but I probably still would have. I think I look nice, and I like looking nice, regardless of where I'm going or who I'm with."
I ran my thumb over the backs of their knuckles. "I want you to be yourself around me, regardless of what may happen. If we get harassed, if people look at us weird, if something happens, then that's because they're the ones with the problem, not us. I don't want to date the watered down version of you. I want the you that cares about little kids and their roommate and somehow me. I want the Trin that I used to play soccer with at three in the morning."
They were blushing heavily. "You played soccer with Socks."
"I played soccer with you," I corrected us both. "Will you show me who you are as Trin? No matter what?"
Trin leaned over and kissed me on my cheek. "Yes. I will."
I closed the distance between us in my small car and gave them a soft kiss. When I pulled away Trin was smiling at me. "I loved you when I was eighteen," Trin quietly said. "I don't think that has changed at all for me now."
I felt lighter somehow knowing that they cared that much about me. "I still love you too."
Trin stared at me for a while, then quickly looked away. "Then what does that mean for us now?"
"I'd like it to mean that we go on dates, like dinner tonight, and we get to know each other again."
Trin was quiet for a while, and I didn't interrupt them as they thought and we sat there in my car with people driving down the street beside us. "What if we got take out and had it at your place?" they offered. My original plan had been to take Trin out to a nice restaurant and an expensive dinner to show them how much I cared about them and wanted them in my life.
"Thai okay? There's a place on my way home."
Trin leaned their head against my shoulder. "Thai would be fantastic. Do they have wontons?"
"Yes. And with real crab in them too."
Trin laughed. "That sounds perfect."
*~*~*
Half an hour later, we had our food in hand and were driving up to my house. I let Trin inside and watched them curiously as they looked around my space. My furniture was sparse and I kept my house clean. I was transitioning too. Maybe as much as their friend Sally was.
I put the food on the dining room table while I waited for Trin to finish their inspection. When they were done, they joined me and draped their cardigan over the back of the chair. "Thank you for letting us eat in tonight. I was going to ask if you were perhaps anticipating bringing me back here tonight after dinner for maybe a drink, but I have the sneaking suspicion that you always keep your house this clean."
"You'd be right. I am always this neat here. But I also did want to bring you back here when dinner was over."
Trin lifted their eyebrows at me so I explained, "I thought maybe we could watch a movie."
Trin's disbelieving expression slowly gave way to one of happiness. "I'm starting to believe that you really do want to wait and you're not just curious about what's under my skirt. I've met that type of guy before."
