Page 106 of Revel
HEY, RED?
TAYLAN
I left Los Angles the following day and headed back to Paris where I had been touring. Only this time, I made a detour. The city comes into view, gold and beautiful as I cross the Seine. And there, in all its beauty, is the Eiffel Tower. It’s like a vision from a storybook, metal projecting upwards and all I can think about is him.
Always.
Him.
Why hadn’t he stayed?
I know what you’re thinking. I told him we were over so what did I expect him to do? I didn’t expect him to walk away. I thought for sure he would have at least, I don’t know, said something more than he did.
Tears surface again, because I’m an emotional weirdo these days. Why am I so upset about it when I didn’t talk to him for a year? Should I have reached out? No, I said I wouldn’t and honestly, I didn’t have a lot of time during that year with releasing the album. Excuses. All excuses. I can close my eyes and pretend this new version of me is all right, but it’s a lie. I can’t accept that we’re over. I don’t want to.
Screw this. If he’s not going to talk to me, damn it, then I’m going to find him and make him talk to me. Make him tell me to my face that it’s over for him too.
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
With a renewed sense of determination, I turn around, intent on finding Ben and making him drive me back to the airport, when I run head-on into someone’s chest.
“Hey, Red,” the man whispers.
My eyes snap up.
Holy.
Crap.
Did your heart just explode like mine? I’m not sure I’m even breathing at this point.
Hecame for me. Either that or he’s in Paris on vacation, but he’s set to go on tour in two weeks so who knows. Ha. Funny. Revel wouldn’t go to Paris on vacation. He’d go to Tijuana just to get away from tourists. So that means. . . me. He’s here forme.
In the darkness, his eyes find mine, but they tell a different story from the one I knew from before. This one splits my chest and bares my soul for him.
It takes me a moment to find my voice and steady my heart to keep from passing out. I inhale a deep breath, letting the air fill my lungs. I feel like I need every tiny grain of strength I can muster to say what I need to say.“Does anyone know you’re here?”
He shrugs one shoulder, his nearness like a noose around my neck, nearly suffocating yet something I desperately crave. “I’m pretty good at disappearing.”
Hundreds of people walk by us, no mind to us standing in the middle of the street, staring at one another. “Yeah, you are.” I wait, but no words follow. I’m not sure what I’m expecting him to say. The noises of the busy streets and unfamiliar faces fill the space between us. “You left. I thought you. . . well, I thought maybe it was really over.”
“Don’t do that,” he chokes, the words breaking. “I never said that I didn’t want you.” He’s right, he didn’t. He swallows, and I can see that he’s chewing on the inside of his cheek. It takes him a moment but then he draws in a heavy breath, his chest expanding. “I thought about you all night.” His brow pinches together. “I’m sorry I didn’t stay.”
My throat tightens. “Why did you leave?” I ask, watching his blinks quicken, his control slipping. “I just. . . I thought you would have stayed.”
His eyes lift to mine and there’s still coldness in them. “What can I say, I’m a fuckin’ dick.”
Rolling my eyes, laughter slips past my lips. With the same intensity he always had, he’s still the same guy I fell for. “I think it’s more than that,” I tell him, watching his face to reveal the truth.
But then to my surprise, his expression shifts, and then he focuses on my lips. “I’m not sure. Nerves?”
I smile, drawing in a deep breath, and push forward, wanting to know his reasoning. “You expect me to believeyouwere nervous?”
With his eyes on the ground, he whispers, “I was nervous about seeing you again. . . . ” Shrugging, he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I didn’t know what to say to you after everything I’d put you through. I panicked and left. I didn’t want the night to be about me.” His words die off as he sucks in a deep, shaky breath. For a moment, I’m stunned by his sudden nervousness. He’s almost distraught over what he’s trying to say. I almost feel guilty for bringing it up. “I didn’t want to go to rehab. But fuck. . . . ” He runs his hands over his face, covering his eyes for a moment. And then he drops them and looks at me with such intensity I damn near gasp. “I’m so fucking sorry for the shit I put you through, but I’m a better man for what you did for me.”
We’re both quiet as I process everything he said to me.
We stand in silence until I’m finally able to ask what I want to ask. Where we stand and if there is anusin his future, because I’ve never been so sure of what I want. I breathe in deeply, trying to calm my nerves. It’s like lightning has hit my chest and sent my heartbeat into overdrive. “So where does this leave us now?”
