Page 105 of Revel
With a heavy breath, and without another word, he leaves, his hands buried in his pockets.
Bella grabs onto my hand, nudging me forward. She’s still Facetiming the babysitter. “Where’s he going?”
“I. . . don’t know. Home?”
“What? Really? They have press to do and interviews.”
Cruz approaches, his arm around Bella. He kisses her cheek, waves to the babysitter, and then smiles at me. “Where is he?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
He laughs. “Because he doesn’t like us. If he’s not next to you, I’m assuming he left.”
“Then you’d be correct.”
Liz darts out of line, blinking rapidly. “What? He’s gone?”
I nod.
Her face falls like my heart. “That asshole. He said he’d stay.”
“He lies,” Cruz adds, making cooing noises at his son.
I can’t help but feel confused as to why he left and wonder if I’ll ever see him again. My words, “It’s over,” haunt me. Had I meant so little to him that he couldn’t stay or even talk to me more than a few words?
YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING
REVEL
I should have stayed.
No, I shouldn’t have.
I should have told her I was sorry to start with.
Yes, I should have.
Regardless of what I should or shouldn’t have done, here I was again, walking away.
Liz calls me.
Cruz calls me.
Red. . . she doesn’t. Probably because I’ve confused her once again.
I left. I couldn’t stay. If I did, I would have done it for the wrong reasons. They would have been selfish and only because I couldn’t get enough of her. She needs her night in the spotlight without me there interrupting or causing a scene. If I stayed, that’s what it would have been about. It’s why I didn’t attend the preshow and wouldn’t be attending any of the after parties. I might be sober but I’m not stupid. I knew what I’d be walking into.
The moment I saw her standing there in that black dress, it was hard to fucking breathe. It took every ounce of self-control I had—which is a lot—not to run to her and beg her to take me back, and then if she said no, kidnap her and make her.
I desperately want to take her with me, but I keep my distance. Deep down I want to tell you me lurking in the back of the room like some kind of creeper had been for her benefit. It wasn’t. It was all me. The consuming urge to hold her, bury my face in the gentle curve of her neck and let those red curls wash over me, it’s more than I can handle.
So I stood back. I let her have the spotlight she deserves. I let the world bask in her beauty without my presence. I ruined her previous Grammy night and I wouldn’t make tonight about me, again.
In the back of my mind, I think about that stupid piece of advice Liz gave me in rehab. “When two people are meant to be, distance and time don’t exist. They’ll find their way back to one another.”
While I hated her at the time for saying it, and told her to get the fuck out, as I watched Red bathed in glitter and gold, I finally, in part, understand what it was Liz had been talking about.
I think about red curls under a purple haze long after I leave.
