Page 102 of Revel
And maybe that time is tonight. I don’t know for sure. All I know is I haven’t eaten all day due to nerves, and I’ve been carrying around a vomit bag in my clutch.
Do you see me there stepping from the limo? I’m wearing the black dress. Oh heck, everyone at the Grammys is wearing black. I guess maybe I should be more specific. Look at the woman with the black hair.
Did you gasp? Ha. No, I didn’t cut my hair. That’s Bella, silly. Look behind her. Now do you see me? Dramatic red curls just a smidge above my waistline, my freckled skin glowing and the soft smile. Do you notice that girl?
She’s older, wiser, and now squinting from the hundreds of lights flashing in her face. The Grammy Awards is the recording industry’s most prestigious awards with around 25 million people watching.
With a shaky grip on my sanity, I’m rushed through preshow interviews, cameras flashing, with celebrities and reporters who all want to know, “Have you and Revel performed since the tour?”
I smile at all the interviewers, and politely say, “No, but it’ll be flawless.”
Despite being unsure, I don’t have any doubt in my mind our performance of the song will be flawless. It’s what my heart might do that scares me, or what he might say to me. Admit it, you’re nervous too.
I run into Breckin, and Hensley, to whom I smile politely but say nothing to either of them. My dad is there, naturally, and again, I don’t speak to him. Since the day I told him I was no longer signed with his label, I haven’t spoken to him very much. He and Mom divorced that spring and she now owns half of Ash Music Group. The worst part?
He’s here with Hensley. Did you throw up in your mouth?
I did.
“I swear to God, if he doesn’t answer his phone soon, I’m going to strangle him,” Bella says, scowling at her phone in her hand.
I smile, thankful for the distraction she’s providing by being with me today. “Knowing Cruz, he’ll enjoy it.”
Bella’s fighting with her boyfriend, if you can call him that. She refuses to actually date him, and he’s too much of a child to pull his head out of his ass and propose like I know he wants to. He’s totally, 100 percent in love with her, and my second cousin, the cutest baby in the world, Axl. He’s seriously the most adorable baby ever with jet-black hair and huge blue eyes. I spend hours just holding him and wanting a baby of my own, but I know, you don’t care about any of that, do you? You want to know where Revel is, don’t you?
He doesn’t show up.
At least not during the preshow. It’s just like him to make a dramatic entrance.
Have you ever heard that saying your life is a series of moments divided into two categories? The before this and the after this.
There’s another one. Everything can change in an instant.
Everything.
And there is only before and after.
Did I lose you? I think I might have lost myself there for a second, but the truth is, every time you don’t get what you want, you grieve.
I’ve grieved. His words. His presence. His love. Nothing is the same without him. I can’t let myself lose track of what he did for me. Who I was when I was with him, and who I became without him. A princess fully capable of giving herself the fairy tale.
I’ll tell you something else about those princess fairy tales. Those women in them?
Lady bosses all the way.
TakeBeauty and the Beast. Belle stands up to Gaston and basically tells him to fuck off. She even puts up a fight with the beast.
Rapunzel? Let’s be honest, I feel like I know her the most. She’s trapped by the woman who stole her youth.
Cinderella? She runs an entire house by herself. Enough said. She’s like the boss of all stay-at-home moms and doesn’t even have children.
Jasmine fromAladdin? She has a pet tiger. What more do I need to say?
And my personal favorite, aside from Merida fromBravebecause hello, the hair, but Nala fromThe Lion King. She doesn’t stand for any of Simba’s excuses. She doesn’t let his pride stand in the way of him helping the pride. And because of her, Simba realized what he needed to do.
I had a Simba in my life and letting go of him, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I haven’t forgotten him, impossible, but what he taught me in those three short months….
I had to give myself time to find me without the influence of anyone else.
