Page 101 of Revel
“Why don’t you just say Cruz’s baby mama. It’s a lot less complicated.”
“It’s extremely complicated, but yes, that. Anyway, Tay’s out of the country and won’t be flying in until the day of the Grammys so rehearsals are out of the question, but. . . .” There’s a definite pause, too long for my liking before she adds, “She’s agreed to perform it with you.”
I don’t say anything. I think my heavy sigh of relief says enough.
“Are you sure about this?” Liz asks. “You can still pull out.”
I laugh, humor returning to my tone. “I’ve never been good at that.”
“Stop it. I’m serious. Think about this. You haven’t played together in over a year, and you haven’t rehearsed it.”
“We don’t need to,” I tell her confidently. “That chemistry, you don’t forget that.”
I’ll be honest, there’s a good part of me that’s hoping when she sees me, she’ll remember our connection and take me back. Fuck you, rehab. You turned me into a goddamn pussy.
WILL HE SHOW?
TAYLAN
I know what you’re thinking, or maybe I assume I know. You think I didn’t reach out to him for an entire year. To be fair, I sent him a text message on his birthday, to which he responded for the first time in his life. But other than that text message, and the one he sent me on my birthday in May, no contact.
He released an album with Revved.Ruins. I like to think I know the meaning. I listen to the entire album but it’s a one song, “Addicted” that I realize how deep his scars run.
I got these fresh stitches from these cold bitches
With mad addictions from bad decisions
You try to fucking hide away
But these scares are as deep as ever
I’m stuck in a life living for the light from a place of darkness
But tell me, these fools really got you entertained
My heart breaks for him and our love. It’s deep within the track “Haze” that I know our love at least has a place in his angry heart.
You knew exactly what you were doing when you invited the wild in
See the spark, the red, the frosty words, you crave the sin
I warned you to stay clear
I’ll only gut you if you come near
Hold that smoke in now
I’ll keep you safe as I watch you bleed
Trust me, princess, away from me
The haze starts to make sense
His words, his voice, it’s so powerful that I gasp, and it’s as if my soul is pulling me in the other direction, away from everything I know I need to stay away from. The haunting reminder of our love, our very unstable and unpredictable love. . . it’s too much, and I only listen to the song once.
Did I want to reach out to him after I listened to the new album?
Uh, yeah! I wanted to reach out the day he was released from rehab, but I knew I couldn’t. For me. For him. For so many reasons. I knew when the timing was right, we’d find our way back to one another. When it’s true love, when two people are really meant to be together, it’ll happen. When it’s not forced. With Revel, I want it to work so badly. I didn’t pry, or push, or rush it. I’ve let it happen naturally.
