Page 110 of Untamed
My statement doesn’t register.
“They’re together and happy, and every time Reid’s on a bull, it could be his last time. What makes you think you can’t or don’t deserve happiness too?”
Again, he says nothing, but he’s at least looking at me.
I smile, uneasy. “We can try. Together.”
He’s conflicted. He wants to, but he’s scared.
It’s my turn to say, “Say something.”
Panic rushes through me when he speaks. “You’re so young, honey. You have your entire life ahead of you. Do you really wanna be following a cowboy around?”
“Who says I’m following a cowboy around? I’m pretty sure he’s along for the ride too.”
My words get me a small smile, but it doesn’t touch his eyes. “I know I don’t want to lose you again,” he finally admits. “I just . . . all I thought about was you. For the first time in my life, that didn’t make any sense and I was distracted. I have all these people looking to me to keep up my performance from last year and when I started to slip in the points, I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t want you to get hurt by it either, and then when I got injured, it just sorta got out of hand.”
“Do you regret inviting me to come?” The words spill from my lips before I can stop them. I need to know if he regrets what we’ve done or me coming here in the first place. I know he told me to leave, but I can’t let that go so easily.
The corners of his mouth tug into a slight smile, and the memories hit me and my breath catches. He shifts me so I’m straddling him on the floor. His palm on my cheek sends a jolt straight to my heart. It’s such a simple gesture, but it means so much. His eyes beg me, plead for me to see the truth. It’s a warmer smile than I’ve seen in the last few days. “No, that’s not one of my regrets.”
“I never meant to hurt you by leaving with Henry. I just . . . I don’t know what I was thinking.” And then I take a deep breath because I tell him something I’ve never told anyone before. “Jamie and I got in a fight that night he died,” I admit. “The reason he died was because he was speeding away from my house.”
He stares at me. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“Yes, I can. I broke up with him that night.”
“Why?”
“He went to Joel’s baseball game and didn’t come over until later. I was mad that he chose his brother over me so I broke up with him. I was fourteen and a brat. It was completely childish, and I regret it, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.”
Grayer lets out a heavy breath and it makes me nervous. Like he’s going to say something I don’t want to hear. Warmth spreads throughout my chest and face, waiting for that unknown again. “I’m afraid you need me in ways you shouldn’t.”
“That’s not true.” I swallow over the dryness in my throat. It’s like my mouth is filled with sawdust. “I don’tneedyou. I can live without you in my life. The thing is . . . I want a life with you. I know that sounds crazy, but I do.”
He’s silent, unmoving, maybe not even breathing. And then he clears his throat, thinking about what I just said. My stomach does a flip when he barely lifts those long lashes.
What’s he thinking? It’s driving me mad not knowing. I just basically said I didn’t want to live without him and he’s saying nothing. “Please don’t tell me that you want me to leave again, Grayer. Please don’t do that to me.” I’m going on a bit of a rant and I think he knows it because I’m ready to say more, but I stop when I see the look on his face. “What?”
He scratches his cheek, waiting for me to finish my speech. “Are you done?”
“I think so?”
His sighs, shaking his head in amusement and then pulls me against him. “I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”
His heart’s pounding, the strong muscles of his chest flexing, his arms comforting around me. “Grayer, I—”
He stops me, pressing his fingers to my lips. “Tell me after—”
“No!” I shake my head. I want to tell him that I love him and have him hear me right now. I don’t want to wait like I did last time. “I’m not waiting another city to tell you anything.”
He laughs, his head leaning back against the mattress. “I was going to say tell me after I kiss you.”
“Oh.” I grab his shoulders, pulling him to my chest. “In that case, I will tell you later.” My mouth presses to his—eager, desire-filled, and passionate. This time there’s more to it. I know that this is one of those kisses that lasts a lifetime. The ones that you remember in those moments and go back to. You say to yourself, I remember that kiss for the way his tongue glided over mine or the gentle way he cupped my cheek and held me close. I’ll remember the sighs and the tiny groans when he wanted to take it further, but then sighs again, being content with the moment and what it meant for us.
“What was it you were going to say?” He laughs, pulling away from me with a smile, his palm resting on my cheek. His eyes drop to my neck, and what’s missing, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Thanks for the ride?”
Calmly, he laughs again, watching my face as he speaks. “I thought you were going to tell me you loved me.”
I close my eyes. I fell in love the first time I saw him. It’s dramatic—in a sense—but if you saw him like I did, a breath of fresh air, you’d understand how possible that is. I fell when I saw that first nod. “I do . . . love you.”
His lips press against mine once again. “I love you, too.” And then he draws back, watching my face when his fingertips dance over the hallow spot of my throat. “I’ll get it back for you. I promise.”
Hold on to him, heart. He’s worth it.
