Page 96 of The Legend
Our familywasn’t strangers to this. We knew death and we knew pain like we knewourselves. It still didn’t make it any easier,not at all. The pain wasstill there, still real.
Thick and heavy,it reminded us with each breath how real and crushing it could be.
I had noidea what to say to her. On one hand, I was hurting too; Jimi was my dad for somany years. On the other hand, I was hurting because my husband was in criticalcondition and my mom, the mom I’ve known for the past thirty years, lost herhusband.
“I’m goingto find the boys,” Emma choked out a sob but remained collected and reached forArie beside her. I think she needed a few minutes alone but I was relieved tosee that Arie went with her.
No onewanted to break down in front of Nancy in fear she would break.
She lookedup at Emma, her eyes glazed over but she didn’t say anything and no tears fell.
There wasabsolutely nothing I could say and she knew that. Instead, we held each other.She never did cry, instead, stared at the wall waiting on any word on Jameson’scondition.
I askednearly everything five minutes if she needed anything but she never verballyresponded, only shook her head as I response.
I triedracking my brain, wanting to find some sort of consoling advice I could offerher. But I couldn’t. Because if Jameson died, nothing would make that betterand if someone tried to comfort me, it would only piss me off. Nothing wouldmake this better. No magic phrase would make you feel better and frankly,nothing needed to be said.
Jimi diedin a manner befitting to the champion he was, in the place he loved with hisson and grandson. That’s what I told myself. Now would I say that if Jamesondidn’t make it?
I doubtit, but I had to hang onto something. I doubted I would be able to comprehendanything, just as Nancy was, if Jameson didn’t make it.
IfJameson died, I doubted I could hold ittogether in the way Nancy was. She was strong.
I couldn’tthink of any place I’d rather be than with my mom in that moment. Of coursethere was that strong urgency pulsing through me to break down the doors of theICU to see Jameson but they wouldn’t let us in regardless.
About anhour after the doctor had told us Nancy looked over at me, weighted and somber.It was the first words spoken. “Can we see Jameson now?”
“I...uh...not sure,” I reached for her hand. “But let’s go see.”
As we madeour way out of the room, everyone we saw looked at us with pity and I wanted toscream and then punch them in the face. We walked to where the rest of ourfamily had gathered in the hallway outside of the intensive care units, waitingto hear how Jameson was.
Most ofour family and Jameson’s sprint car teams was waiting outside the doors. Justinand Tommy were pacing back and forth. Casten, Axel and Arie were huddledtogether comforting one another as they always did and that made me want tocry.
Charlieand Noah were here now sitting across from my kids with Aiden and Emma. Lane,Cole and Lexi were sitting beside Spencer and Alley with Logan. While Spencerstared straight ahead, no emotion was visible. Alley was quite the opposite asshe tended to her cell phone.
BeingJameson’s publicist, everyone wanted to know his condition.
“Whyhaven’t they come out and talked to us yet?” I asked Justin but he onlyshrugged his eyes on his feet.
It wasclose to another hour before Nancy was asked to step away with the doctors.This time Emma went with her and I stayed with my kids, holding them.
Doctor’s passed,nurses asked if we needed anything but no one had answers. Just that he was nowin surgery.
Rightabout the time I was ready to explode, another doctor came out in scrubs. Ithought for sure he would tell me the same devastating news he told Nancy buthe asked me to come with him. So, the kids and I followed him back to anintensive care room. The door to the room was closed as were the white blindsthat hung over the glass window.
“Mrs.Riley, I’m Dr. Howe, head of neurology.” He reached out and shook my hand.“Jameson is in critical condition and we are keeping him an induced coma rightnow.” The doctor gave us a look of more pity. My heart was pounding and it washard to pay attention to anything he was saying. “When he arrived, he wasn’tbreathing. We ventilated him and got him sedated. Keeping him sedated is theonly way for his brain to heal properly,” but didn’t say anything. “When hearrived he was unconscious. We were able to get a few responses from him buthis speech was slurred which alerted us to the severity of his head injury.” Helooked down at his notes. “He’s got an almost completely crushed rib cage, apunctured lung and spleen. His pelvis is fractured, broken collarbone, and acracked scapula. The head injury is our main concern and required immediatesurgery. He’s got a lateral skull fracture.”
I had touse Casten and Axel to keep from swaying. My boys wrapped their arms around me,each of us providing a comfort only family could provide. My throat constrictedand I felt the rush of emotion as the tears rose to the surface.
“Afterrepairing the fracture and controlling the bleeding, I needed to relieve thepressure in his brain so I inserted a catheter to control the inter-cranialpressure. There’s also a device inserted to monitor the pressure and tell usexactly when it’s increasing. This seems to be helping but we have to wait afew days to see exactly how much damage has been done. After surgery he beganexperiencing seizures so I’ve given him some anti-seizure medication and thatseems to be working. Although he’s had a few more, this is mostly from thetrauma.” He then flipped the chart over. “His friend...Justin West?” he looked for confirmation hehad the name correct. We nodded so he continued. “Justin indicated his helmetwas cracked. Can I see it?”
“Oh,” Ilooked around for Justin but didn’t see him and then I had no idea where anyonewas.
It wasjust me, Casten and Axel. I thought Arie was with us but she somehowdisappeared without me knowing.
“I haven’t...” I intended on replying but instead began tosob into Axel’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
My onlythoughts seemed to be that I couldn’t lose him. I couldn’t. I wanted to keep ittogether but I knew I was breaking apart inside.
