Page 95 of The Legend
The doctorstood there, his body swayed slightly as though he was lightheaded. “Mrs.Riley?” his eyes then focused on Nancy as he swallowed. A sharp nauseating wavepassed through me. It didn’t matter that he was now looking at Nancy. Becauseany loss, no matter who it is was, would be devastating to all of us.
Thedoctor’s voice was just above a whisper as though he had never had to saysomething like this before.
Kneelingnext to us, he took in our appearances. “Jimi’s spinal cord was severed,” he pausedand swallowed before looking Nancy directly in the eyes, “we performed CPR for70 minutes...but we wereunable to revive him.”
No onesaid anything. I don’t think we knew what to say.
You alwayssee it portrayed in movies where the loved one is told their significant otheror family member didn’t survive. They all have the same reaction: shockfollowed quickly by a breakdown of uncontrollable tears and sobbing.
Whathappens when the blow is too strong for you to comprehend?
Nothing
Nothing iswhat happens. You’re unable to feel, unable to comprehend, unable to speak,cry, sob, nothing happens.
Whateverthe emotion is supposed to be, it’s not there.
You’renumb.
Red Flag – Axel
“Lily ison her way.” I told Justin who sat down beside me in the hall.
“What dowe tell the media?” Justin asked, his face the same stone cold emotionlessportrait everyone else had.
None ofthe racers, Justin, Tyler, me, or Cody had changed out of our racing suits buthere all of us sat lined up in the hall outside the intensive care unit. Bloodwas all over mine and Justin’s from dad’s head injury. Tommy’s gray sweatshirtwas covered with clay, methanol, and blood. He smelled worse than all of us.
None of uswere in any appearance to address the media.
A group ofdoctors walked passed looking over charts. I caught a portion of theirconversation as they rushed past. “He’s a forty-two year old race car driverbrought in by air. Scan revealed a moderate lateral skull fracture to thetemporal. He was unconscious at the time of arrival...ventilated…” their voices began to fade but I heard astring of words that followed them “...vomiting...asphyxia...”
It didn’tlook good. I knew enough to know, this wasn’t good.
Spencerwalked up with Lexi, both in tears, his arm wrapped around her shoulders as shecried into his chest.
“Is thereany word on Jimi?” Justin asked Spencer.
Spencer’seyes looked from Lexi to me, and then at Casten hesitantly. He didn’t have tosay anything, his eyes closed as he fought for control, his chin quivered. “He...didn’t...they,” his breath caught as he tried to control himself and Lexi whocouldn’t stop crying. “…they couldn’t revive him.”
I wantedto break down. I wanted to cry. I wanted relief from the pain I was feeling.But nothing would come.
I guessmaybe I was holding out hope. Hope that they were wrong. Hope that one could besaved. Holding out hope was the only option.
Liftingwasn’t.
Nothingprepares you for the bitter reality of it, nothing could.
Shit happensand dreams are crushed. You can have it all only to have never really had it.Hope simply vanishes as though it was never there.
Devastatinglypainful thoughts and emotions red flag you into silence.
Red Flag – Sway
Sometimesit takes a loss to remind you what’s real and remind you of what you had tobegin with.
Then it’sgone, like the passing of a lap during a race, a beginning to an end or maybean end to a beginning.
Was iteven real? Did you ever really have it? All the memories suddenly seemed sodistant.
