I lookedto Easton who then looked at me with a mixed reaction. His eyes were wide asthey darted from me, to Kyle and then back to me. Even Kyle didn’t know I wasretiring until now, but deep down, he knew by the look in my eyes when I sawhim in Charlotte last week.
Eastongasped and then mouthed, “Really?” to me. I never told him prior to tonight butI knew he wanted the ride. What distracted me from him was the response fromeveryone else.
When I sawtears in the eyes of some of the world’s best racers in NASCAR, thatme, Jameson Riley, the kid that fought most of his career tobe known as Jameson Riley, was hanging it up, I lost it.
I couldn’tlook at Kyle and Tate and not cry. I couldn’t look at Bobby and the othermembers of my team that gathered and not cry. Here were the men who fought justas hard as I did and kept me going when I didn’t think I could go on afterSway’s accident and my dad’s death but I did, because of them.
Onlyanother driver could understand my attachment to racing, aside from my family,and how hard this decision was for me to make but it was time. It may seemmeaningless that I came back just to announce my retirement but the fact of thematter was I needed to know that I could.
Peoplegasped, others just stayed silent. Reporters hurled their questions at me but Ionly saw the woman who pulled me through everything and made me see the light.
My wife.
Back atthe hauler, my family had gathered after the news broke.
“So you’rereally retiring?” Axel asked when I pulled my racing suit on. It was just him,me and Casten in the hauler now.
“Yeah, I’mreally doing it?”
“He’s fullof shit.” Casten mumbled with a mouthful of his hamburger.
Chucklingat Casten, I turned back to Axel who was standing with his arms crossed. “It’sjust time buddy.”
“Time for you?”Axel asked. “Or time for you and mom?”
Axel knewthat I worried about her. Sway never once complained about our lifestyle forthe past twenty years but she deserved to live a normal life at some point. Ifthe last few months had taught me anything, it was that we needed some normal.But I also wasn’t doing it just for her. This was just as much about me as itwas about our entire family.
“It’s justtime.” I patted his shoulder while he rolled his eyes and followed me outside.Of course hundreds of reporters followed me to my car that night, all wantingto get me to say that I was scared or that maybe I couldn’t handle the pressureanymore. Then there were some that speculated problems with me and my sponsorbut it had nothing to do with that.
Oneparticular reporter had practically tripped me with his enthusiasm so I answeredhim more or less to get him away from me. My patience was still not that great.
“Jameson,why would you announce your retirement now?Why not at theend of the season?”
“Becauseit was time and what I needed to do.” I told him.
He lookedat me with a perplexed expression. “So you’re done with racing all together?”
“Justbecause I’m retiring at the end of the season doesn’t mean I still won’t be apart of racing. Racing is all I’ve ever known.Meretiring doesn’t mean I’m not going to still be a part of it. I just won’t beracing with the NASCAR Cup Series. I’m forty-two.”
“So you’llstill race?”
I grinned.“Guess you’ll have to see.”
The racewas uneventful. I had qualified sixth and ended up with another fourth placefinish. I’d be lying if I said I was satisfied because anytime I was out on atrack, I wanted to win.
My familyand I went home after that, I avoided all the media after the race and wentstraight to my hauler. It may have been rude of me but I just needed some timeto myself that night.
When wearrived home, I couldn’t sleep, wondering if I’d made the right decision for meand my family. Wandering downstairs after Sway was asleep I found something I’dnever seen before laying in my office off the family room.
It was a book,a scrapbook actually. It wasn’t finished but it had an article in the frontabout the accident in Knoxville with a picture of the sprint cars on it. Therewere a few pictures of me in the hospital; doing physical therapy and one ofSway and me the day I was released. There were others of me and the boys eatingbarbeque and more of Rosa sitting on the couch next to me asleep eating popcornfrom a bowl in my lap and drinking my beer.
It wasfilled with various pictures documenting my recovery.
I’d neverseen them before and questioned where it came from. Sitting down in the chairat my desk I read through the articles, got a little teary eyed and then closedthe book. That’s when my eyes caught the dates on the cover: Jameson Riley2022.
Hmmm.Again, I wondered where they came from. Inever saw Sway working on them. She never had the patience for scrapbooks.
Turningaround in the chair to look at the shelves behind me, I saw them. Each year ofmy racing life was documented in a scrapbook.
