Page 160 of The Legend
Sway, stoodstrong beside me as she always did, clutched my arm securely as mom began tospeak.
My momsmiled at us and then nodded once bowing her head. “For the past few monthseveryone has asked me how I’m holding up, or how our family is holding up.” Shepaused for a moment before wiping away her tears, the entire crowd silenced. “Ican’t tell you that because we don’t know how we do it, just that we do. We’rea racing family. It’s all we’ve ever known and will ever know. We can’t tellyou how because it’s in our blood. We know the dangers are out there but itdoesn’t change anything. Jimi Anthony Riley was a son, a father, a grandfatherand a husbandandone of the greatest sprint car racers of all time.
“He madehistory in sprint cars and he died in one but looking back on it, though I amangry that I lost him, he died doing something he loved. Some may say that it’sdangerous and why let him do something like that but how could I ever ask theman I loved to quit doing what made him happy?” the crowd applauded her beforeshe continued.
“I lovedhim before he was the legend everyone knew him as and I will love him just thesame now that he’s gone. That doesn’t change anything for me because I wasracers wife. I can tell you every race he ever won, every lap he ever ledbecause while he was in the spotlight, I was the one in the shadows that kepthim together. Just as I’ve said, I knew the dangers just as well he did, but asa racers wife, I would never ask him to stop for one reason, he did it becausehe loved it. I knew every time he climbed inside that car, I might be leavingthe track alone but I would never ask him to stop. I may have stood inhis shadows but after the thrill from the victory was washed away, I was therefor him and that’s all that matters. I gave him all the love I had and in turn,he gave me happiness. He gave me three wonderful kids and unconditional love.So he may have been a legend in sprint car racing to you but he was thegreatest man I ever knew, he was my legend. His memory will forever be with me,and our family.”
I’m suresome may have expected her to say more but what she did, was perfect. Just likethe uniformity in a tire, everybody will deal with death in their own way andin their own time. Sometimes it doesn’t happen right away. It can happen a weeklater, a month later, or a year later. Or maybe it doesn’t happen for tenyears. Either way, uniformity can be appreciated.
Beforedriver introductions were scheduled, we had one more press conference scheduledwith the media. My mom went with the girls back to the motor coach away fromthe media and I walked back to the paddock alone.
Walkingthrough the paddock that day, life was going on much as it had for the pasttwenty years I had been in the sport—humming with race day excitement. Crewswere scrambling to make sure everything was in order, drivers getting theirgame faces on. A country band was playing in the infield; the music pulsedthrough the venue.
Itreminded me of all the times I would walk up and down this same stretch overthe years knowing on any given night here, I could win.
Now Iwasn’t so sure.
Tate wasswapping stories with his son Jacob. Bobby was spending time with his wife anddaughter. Brody was in the hospitality tent with Simplex kissing ass I assumed.When talk began to swirl that I may be hanging it up, he was so far upSimplex’s ass, that if they sneezed, he was coming out their nose.
At myhauler, Spencer was going over race day check lists while Sway cooked lunch foreveryone.
Everythingwas normal with the exception of one thing: I was about to announce myretirement.
I decidedafter nineteen professional seasons in NASCAR; I was hanging up my helmet.
The thingis,the weight of the world can crush you. Constantlyjudging, never letting up. The media, the sacrifices, all of it, at some pointyou realize there’s not a goddamn thing you can do to change it. Just go withit. I went with it for years. My entire life so far I dealt with it and thensome. I had a choice to make now. Was this really for me any longer?
I knewafter Jimi died, I couldn’t give it everything I had any longer. I knewenough about myself to know that if I didn’t give it my all, I wasn’t doing it.I couldn’t go out there with half-myself. It was safe for one and two; I wastired. I had lived this lifestyle for as long as I could remember and I neededtime for myself and for my family.
Just as mymom said, racing is all our family has ever known as it always will be withAxel racing now. It just wasn’t my time any longer.
Tellingeveryone who worked for me, and my family, was going to be hard because I waschanging their lives. The lifestyle we had been accustomed to for years wouldbe drastically different.
Sway and Ihad discussed my retirement late at nights but I had yet to make my finaldecision. Sometime during my mom’s speech that morning, I knew it was time. Inever wanted to feel that pain of seeing my wife give that very same speech.
I thinkSway sensed this so when I walked up to her prior to the press conference Ischeduled right before the drivers meeting, she smiled. “You’re going to,aren’t you?”
I gave hermy only shot at a smile I could rally. “It’s time honey.”
We bothknew it was time.
Kyle,Alley, Sway and Spencer followed me to the media center after that. The kidsstayed with my mom and kept her out of the media for good reason.
I wasnervous during the press conference looking to the sponsors who had supportedme throughout the years, other drivers who helped shape the career I now had,friends and my family who were there for me these last few months.
When Istarted to speak, I was shaking, sweating and damn near crying. “I’d like tostart by thanking each one of you who were there for me, prayed for my saferecovery and wished us well dealing with our loss. I was honestly astounded atthe amount of card, letters, and flowers me and my family received.”
Taking adeep breath, I continued. I was nervous, need I say that again?
“It meanta lot to us to know we had your support.” My hand dropped from my hat to themicrophone again. “It wasn’t easy but we came back from it. During that time, Irealized a lot about myself and my family and what they need. What we need.”
I lookedat Sway for encouragement before speaking and she smiled that breathtakingsmile she had. In that instant, our whole lives flashed in front of me andreminded me of the bond we had and why she was such a vital part of thisdecision. She reminded of why this was what I had to do.
I saw herstanding there in those jean shorts and that black tank top the night I mether, her innocence so beautiful. I saw flashes of our childhood, our summerstogether, the night I asked her to stay and she did. I saw her vowing hercommitment to me. The look on her face when she held each of our children forthe first time, the day she left me and the look of forgiveness on her facewhen I begged her to take me back. I saw her standing over me in the hospital,tears streaming down her face and the utter heartbreak when she told me my dadwas gone. For over thirty years, this woman owned me; of course, I would lookto her for answers.
Our eyesheld each other’s for a moment before she mouthed, “I love you,” and thenwinked.
I smiledand starred down at the microphone as I spoke, just as my mom had done earlier thismorning. “This is probably the hardest decision I’ve had to make, but it’stime. Most of you know what the off-season brought with it for our family andthe wreck I was in with my dad. As you know, he didn’t walk away like I did.”Though this had already been said before, I said it again. I swallowed over thelump forming in my throat and clung to the only composure I had. My handtrembled holding the microphone. “It took a lot for me to make this decisionbut I honestly believe it’s time. So...” Ipaused looking at Sway again. “I’m retiring at the end of the season.Easton Levi will take over my No. 9 Simplex Ford next year.”
