“Yeah, Isaw him this morning. He’s fine, really he is.” Tate assured Jameson.
Jamesonfelt bad but Easton Levi went back to racing in theNationwideseries upon his return. Easton knew it wasn’t a full time ride going into it.But he still felt bad that the kid got a taste of the big time only to be backin Nationwide.
“Don’tworry about it man,” Tate said. “Easton has a bright future ahead of him and heknows that.”
Rusty, adriver known for having an attraction to me that Jameson despised, gave me ahead nod and bumped my shoulder when we walked past me. I smiled but offered nooutward greeting but could see my husband scowling from his place slouched in achair beside Bobby.
Heappeared as if he wanted to say something but remained quiet and looked theother way avoiding Rusty as he tried to make small talk.
Wheneveryone had left that night, I found myself wrapped in Jameson’s arms as hestared at the ceiling.
“I don’tknow what to say to you sometimes. I want to help you but I don’t think youneed help. Do you?”
“I don’tneed anyone’s help.” His voice was cold but held the love I always knew. Hewasn’t angry with me. “All that I’m asking for is for people to give me time.”
I saidnothing more and he nodded as though he appreciated that I wasn’t pushing himto talk.
“Thankyou,” he finally said his voice softer as his lips found my forehead in thedarkness. “It helps knowing someone understands me. I feel like I’m alone inthis until I look at you.”
“I knowyou’re scared but I’m not giving up on you. I won’t let you give up either. Wewon’t let you.”
He lookedat me knowing what I meant when I said we. Our eyes locked.
“I feellike now that I’m back that it’s everything that it was before, always twistingthe truth to make it what they want but no one sees it for what it is. Itdoesn’t matter what I say to them to defend myself. My actions have been, andalways will be, irrelevant and twisted. I’ll never understand why they try topaint a picture to a scene they’ll never understand. Just like with Brodytoday. He had no idea the frustrations I was feeling inside that car. It didn’tmatter to him anymore than it matter to the media.”
“I knowbaby.” Twisting in his arms, my chin rested on his chest watching his tiredeyes. There’s times when no words need to be spoken. It’s a time when you justremember. You remember that life has a way of rearranging and upliftingeverything you had ever known. You don’t know why or even how but it happened.I knew that Jameson would eventually find his groove again. He may be hangingout on the apron right now but he’d venture up to the high side again, withtime, and in his own way.
When myfingers traced the band of his boxers, he smiled halfheartedly and turned onhis side, his hands roaming my body.
“Iabsolutely hate it when I see another man touch you.” His fingers dug into myskin, his stare penetrating. “Instantly it’s like a sharp knife to my chestthat he touched something that belongs to me.”
“Wow,” Ilaughed when his body came in full contact with mine, his weight settling onme. “I see you haven’t lost your possessive side.”
“Honey,”his lips found mine. “I’ll always be possessive of something that means theworld to me.”
“Can I askyou something?”
He pulledback to look at me. “Please don’t ask me to hit you again.”
“I won’t.”I returned the smile that he offered. “What made you write that letter to me?”
His browpulled together, an emotion I hadn’t seen in a while settled over him. “Youneeded to know and I wasn’t sure I could get it out…through spoken words.”
The handthat was cupping my cheek traveled down my arm, over my hip and then movedbehind my knee hitching it up higher on his hip. Groaning at the contact, Iknew what he wanted when I felt the camshaft lifting.
In theshadows of the night, in his arms, I let him know that though he was scared, Iwas here to give him a little air pressure adjustment if needed.
Themorning of the race, the crew diligently prepared the back-up car for inspection.They said little and kept focused until the car was pushed through inspectionand on the grid waiting.
ThoughJameson said nothing at first, he appreciated everything they had done for himover the last six months, and this weekend. The real display came when for thefirst time in the six months, Jameson walked inside the hauler the day of arace for the team meeting.
They understood him, in an idolizingsolidarity, his team, respected that here was a man, on the floor, calling outto them for support and here they were offering what they could. Respect forwhat he’d overcome. Respect for him running the apron.
Jameson let out an emotional chuckle when the team huddled around him, patting hisback and shaking his hand. I could see the emotion in his eyes that told meexactly what he was feeling. The guilt, the heavy burden was lifted a littlethat afternoon.
There wassomething that most never considered, and something I knew when Jameson walkedto the grid that afternoon, and that was that Jameson wouldn’t back down.Scrapping for every position, he drove smart and maintained that instinctivehunger inside a championship driver. That hadn’t changed.
Apron – Jameson
