Page 134 of The Legend
When hesaw Grady, the fire returned and his mood immediately went to shit. Within aminute, he stood on the table knocking over glassed and plates to do so with amicrophone in hand. I looked at Carl seated next to him, his eyes wide andstunned at Jameson’s behavior.
“To mywife,” Jameson head bowed with a slight tilt pulling the microphone closer. Ashocked heavy silence spread over the crowd. “...thank you for being there for me and never lying to me.”
Some mighttake that as a backhanded comment, given the circumstances, but I didn’t lie tohim. He knew that and it was a sincere gesture he was making because heunderstood that had he asked me, I would have told him.
It wasn’thard to see the anger rising quickly when he looked at Grady and raised hisbeer above his head. “And to the fucking douchebag that stole from me!” Jamesonshouted, the sound echoed throughout the room. He made eye contact with Grady.Alley, who sat on the other side of me, leaned into my shoulder knowing wherethis was going. “...Thank youfor making merealizefamily was...is the only real honest people in the fuckingworld. So,” he raised his beer higher. “Fuck you Grady!” He dropped themicrophone at his feet and stormed out of the room.
Yep. Hedid that. In front of family, sponsors, friends, you name it, they witnessed myhusband’s verbal chastising.
To most ofus, it was nothing new.
That wasthe last we ever saw of Grady. Clint and Van left with him but I knew thistime, Grady would legally be held accountable for his actions.
Somepeople would say that my husband was hasty and insensitive to those around himthat night, a night that was supposed to be about the people who weresupporting him. To them I would say, well, there’s times when a driver jumpsthe start. They get sidetracked by the commotion around them and go for it.Repeated jumping of the start does result in a penalty. Jameson knew that. Hehad every right to respond the way he did.
I watchedhim sleep that night. I tried to force the tears that flowed away. Andthe fact that I was crying again, for him, for his mom, for our entire familymade me angry because I didn’t want to cry anymore. Our lives had been changed,rearranged to the point where we didn’t know where that clay met the rubberanymore. But I knew, deep down, that we could find it again. I vowed to nevergive it up and remembered my vow to him even before the wedding. The vow Iwrote on a napkin with eyeliner:
Here’s to alifetime of making sure you have the correct tire pressure.
24.Seat Time – Jameson
Seat Time –Time sitting behind the wheel, competing in a race, qualifying and practicing.
There’ssomething that I learned back when I raced for the Triple Crown at eighteen. Iwas that seat time, whether it be racing, qualifying, or even just logging lapsin heat races, was that eventually, you get a handle of the way your carresponds in different situations and track conditions.
With allthat seat time comes and understanding and a sense of respect for what each canteach you. I knew that no matter what the track conditions were or how my carhandled, I could never run high at Terra Haute. I knew that if Skagit was dryand slick, the high line was the only place I could run. And Lernerville, Iknew that when the track glazed over, with my driving style, I would end up inthe field at some point.
There’ssomething that I learned now, twenty years later about all the seat time I havehad all these years. I learned that no matter what, no matter how many laps youhave logged, nothing prepares you for when the track, your favorite track,changes. When the conditions you set your car up for no longer work and youhave to hang on and hope for the best. I guess that’s what I would say happened.
Trackconditions had changed. Now we had to make adjustments.
Spencerlooked over at me sitting in the family room, his eyes rimmed with tears. “Doesit feel real to you?” he asked softly looking at a picture of our dad on themantel above the fireplace. The picture was of me and Spencer standing besidehim and his sprint car after he won Knoxville Nationals the year before hereturned. The memory stung like acid, a reminder I could still feel the pain ofhis absence.
I’d neverseen him cry other than the time I smacked him in the nose with a crow bar forstealing my birthday cupcakes when I was seven.
When I waswith my family, it didn’t hurt as bad because I knew they felt the same way. Itwasn’t any easier on me or them. We all felt the same pain. And in a way, thatwas comforting to know that someone understood.
“No,” Imumbled dropping my eyes to my cane. “It doesn’t feel real. I keep thinkinghe’s going to walk through the door and call me an asshole.”
“Oh, I’msure Emma has that part covered.” Spencer chuckled sitting on the couch acrossfrom me.
It tookhim a few moments but he eventually asked what I knew he was going ask.
“Was Gradyarrested?”
I gave hima tight nod and he knew I didn’t want to talk about it. Grady had signed a few documentswhen he started with JAR Racing that prohibited him for stealing among otherthings. He also had to answer for the charges brought upon him for what he didto my car. Needless to say, he would be going to jail. But I was done talkingabout it.
I didn’tdwell on it nor did I have any feelings about it the next day. With all thetime spent thinking about how it would all make me feel, honestly, I was doneand it didn’t make me feel anything. Pissed? Fuck yeah I was pissed but thatwas about the only reaction I had from it.
“When areyou coming back to racing? We miss you out there.”
Gettingback to racing was on my mind a lot lately. Easton was doing good and keepingthe sponsor happy but I wanted back in that car badly. Fuck the double vision,I wanted to race.
“I have atest session in two weeks in Charlotte. I have to pass an exam by NASCAR beforethey will grant the license again—something about vision and stability.”
“That’sprobably a good idea though.” Reaching forward, he took his beer from thecoffee table. “What do they make you do...asobriety test or something?”
“Somethinglikethat.”
