Page 133 of The Legend
If wasofficial. Another night turned to shit. I knew as well as everyone else in ourfamily that tonight was going to be a disaster.
Jamesonsaid nothing, his expression pure stone as he walked inside the banquet hall,his frustration evident with a rake of his fingers over the stubble of hishair. It was weird seeing him with such short hair that I stopped and looked.
“Maybe weshouldn’t do this tonight?” I said when he got closer to me dragging my palmsover his face for him to look at me. “You’re angry. We should dothis anothernight.”
“She’sright man.” Spencer stood next to him straightening his jacket and placing hishand carefully on his shoulder. “We can do this some other time.”
“No. Fuckno. Let’s do this.” He threw his hands up in the air and began to walk away.“I’m fine!”
I lookedaway blinking away tears.
“He’sfine.” Casten mocked when the door to the bathroom slammed behind Jameson.“Totally fucking crazy but yes, he’s fine.”
“Yeah,fine.” Spencer shook his head and then sighed. “Shit…we should have told himsooner.”
“What adisaster.” Tommy shook his head as well, his hands hanging loosely on his hipsbefore he grabbed a beer. “Might as well call the police now because we knowGrady will show up inside here shortly.”
“What? Whydidn’t Clint and Van take him away?”
Spencerand Tommy exchanged a glance and Casten spoke up for them. I could always counton him. “Dad wants him to hear his speech.”
“Oh youhave to be kidding me!” I grabbed another beer and seated myself before Islapped the shit out of my husband tonight, or better yet, shoved the cane inmy hand straight up Grady’s ass for even coming here tonight.
EventuallyJameson returned from the bathroom three sheets to the wind and gave a speechthat amazingly held the adoring eyes of everyone that gave stood behind him. Isaid it before but this team had a solidarity that was hard to find as it washard to attain. This team had casualness to each other and a trust. It was atrust that Jameson believed in despite the recent turn of events.
He neverhad to search for his words and he spoke from the heart, his eyes told me so.Most of the time he looked at his hands on the podium but he did look up andthe room motionless as a man spoke to a truth we all felt. “I can’t make thisany different. If I could, I would. But...” he gave a regretful tip of his head. “itisevident to me that nothing is in your control. I’d love to stand up here andtell you that I am recovering and moving forward from this but,” he shrugged.“I do understand that despite all the fucked up shit and dishonest liars in theworld, there’s a group of people who work hard to turn that around. It is afamily that, over the years, has treated me with respect and helps for thegreater good of our team.” Jameson reached for his beer next to him and raisedit. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart...” his voice cracked, his weight shifting uncomfortably. His eyessqueezed shut and he nodded a few times swallowing over the emotion building. “...my broken heart, thank you for standingbehind me. I am very grateful for everything you have done for me.”
Watchfulof the crowd and who was there, I breathed a sigh of relief when he left thepodium that Grady hadn’t come inside.
Then Iwondered if I would ever run out of tears. I had this thought a lot in my lifeand now, I thought it again. I also wondered why I chose to wear pantyhose. Whoactually wears them anymore? Once I started crying and then found myself in thebathroom, I ripped those goddamn things off and threw them away.
Just as Iwas about to return to the table, Nancy walked in with a bottle of wine. “Oh,hi sweetheart,” She said through a controlled smile. Alcohol was helping but Iknew at any given time, she was holding on by a thread.
Wrappingmy arms around her was all I could do. We hugged often. It was our way ofdealing with it. Dealing with the void, the hurt, the emotion, all of it waspoured into a hug. “How do you do it?” I whispered pulling back to hold her atarm length.
Nancylooked at the bottle and let out a giggle. “This helps...but,” her face twisted just as Jameson’s hadmoment ago and she fought back the feeling. “...there’s a lot hurt can teach us. I miss him so much that I can’tbreathe at times. I can’t look at his clothes and not cry.” Right about thismoment was when I let out a strangled cry and Nancy gripped me, holding onto tome so tightly that it nearly hurt. “The hurt teaches us that we have a lot tobe thankful for. There are moments that are happening around us that we takefor granted. We think because they’re not there anymore that we have to mourntheir loss until it hurts so bad we can’t take it anymore. That’s not what it’sabout.” She smiled her beautiful smile that could take your breath away andmake you laugh at the same time. “I remember the very last thing he said tome.” Her hand touched her heart over the locket he gave to her on Christmasthis last year. “...he kissedthis locket and told me that he loved me.”
“I’msorry.” I said hating the words as they brushed through my trembling lips asthey meant nothing but words. She didn’t need me to tell her as she knew.
“Help himSway. Hold onto what we have and what’s in front of us. I never worry aboutSpencer or Emma. Jameson...Iworry about him. Jimi meant more to him than he led anyone to believe.”
I knewthat. I knew that because I saw it in the way he hung on his every word growingup. When he won a race as a child, and even later in his career, he looked foridolatry Jimi had for him when he got out of the car after winning. Jimi wasproud of Jameson, for this was his son, his own flesh in blood that followedhis legendary footsteps.
“I don’tknow how to help him.” I divulged to Nancy. “I feel like he’s pushing me away.”
“He’s not.He needs you and he knows it.” Nancy wiped away her own tears and took a drinkstraight from the wine bottle she was holding. “To Jameson, the vow you guysmade to each other means more than anything else. When he promises something,he means it. I know that because Jimi was that same way. They are spittingimages of each other.” A careful smile formed as she spoke her next words. “Andthat’s why I’m making it through this. I’m remembering what’s right in front ofme and what I have thankful for. I have a little piece of Jimi in all my kids,even you, and that’s what I’m going to hold on to.”
Moretears. Blubbering like a goddamn idiot. Even Nancy was concerned. Waving myarms around, I grabbed her bottle and drank half of it.
Aftercontrolling myself, finding another beer, and checking on my tipsy motherin-law talking with my fifteen-year old hoodlum about what island in Hawaii hadbetter surfing, I made my way back to the table we were seated at before dinnerwas served.
Taking adeep breath, I sat next to him quietly as Carl, a representative with Simplex,was talking to him about upcoming sponsorship obligations. I watched him a lot thatnight, talking with his team who was all hopeful of a quick recovery for him.He made a few comments to the fact that he wanted to return before the Richmondrace. He always loved Richmond.
He wascolder and more direct with people than I had ever seen him in the past but Iunderstood after what happened with Grady. It would be a long time before hetrusted someone, outside of our family, again.
He took myhand under the table and held it on his thigh, the muscle under my handtightened when I flattened my palm and kept it on his leg. Looking at him nowit was apparent he had drank too much by his hooded bloodshot eyes and slouchedappearance but I wasn’t about to take away his beer.
He smiled forthe first time that night when Nancy started teasing Spencer.
