Page 116 of The Legend
Every daymore ofJamesonreturned and not those cold distant glances.
He wasable to get up and walk around after four weeks, which was huge because withmost brain injuries as severe as he had, forgot the simple things like walkingand putting clothes on.
He coulddo it all because he was determined. You could see the fire inside him, hewanted to be better and he wanted to recover fully. He was slowly finding hisnew line again. He was gaining grip and getting less wheel hop.
Wheel Hop – Jameson
Time, itwas all I had right now. It went by slow, dawdling even. When I think abouttime passing, it never ceases to surprise me how it passes. An hour is an hourand sixty minutes can be the longest sixty minutes of your life. When someonewould say to me now, “I’ll be back in an hour.” It seemed like they were gonefor days.
There’stimes when it feels like a freight train, barreling onward with nothing to stopit. Yet other days are like the earth stood still, nothing moving, nothingbreathing and I felt like I was looking at a picture of my life. Those days Ifelt like I was trapped. I felt like I was locked into some kind of continuousloop with no way out and no hope for moving forward.
The painwas fading with each day, just as the daylight washed into evening. It wasnever gone. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to speak. It hurt to be touched. Ithurt to think.
Physicalpain faded as days went on and stiffness took its place.
I was sad.I was confused. I was frustrated at the very thought of most things. It hurt tothink.
I sawsadness all around me. People looked at me and I saw pity. My wife, I couldn’tlook at her without wanting to cry. I hadn’t cried that I knew of. Maybe a fewtears but nothing what I felt like doing. I couldn’t look at my mom. I wantedto hold her and tell her I was sorry and how much I wanted to take away thepain she felt but I couldn’t. It hurt too much.
I didn’twant to see the pain anymore. I didn’t want to feel it anymore.
I wanted alot of things.
I neverwanted to see the look my mom had on my wife’s face. I never wanted to see thatlook on another woman’s face again.
I hatedthe feeling when someone said my dad’s name. I hated the heavy unfamiliarfeeling I got. I hated that his memory was fading with each day.
I hated alot of things.
I wantedto comfort my wife and hold her the way she needed to be held. I wanted my kidsto remember me, but not like this. I wanted them to remember me as I was beforemy life was ripped apart.
I triednot to feel like a ticking time bomb. I tried not to feel a lot of things.
I tried toremember that it wasn’t my fault, something broke on his car and that couldhave happened to any of us. I tried not to feel the burden for the sake of mymother. I tried to offer a smile for her.
I remembera lot.
I remembermy dad.
I rememberthe look on his face when I won my first championship, fighting back tears thatI did it. I remember being four-years old and I told him I’d be a championsomeday.
I rememberthat he believed in me.
I rememberhim telling me that hatred can fuel the brightest flame and that resentmentcould kill you if you let it.
I understoodI needed a lot of things.
I neededmy wife. I needed my kids. I needed my family, my mom, my brother, my sister. Ineeded my friends. I needed the feeling of being needed by them.
I neededless wheel hop and more grip.
I was sadand confused and remembering and hating. I had a lot of needs and frustrationsand memories and aches.
I hadwheel hop.
21.Set-up – Sway
Set-up – Acombination settings on a car’s engine, tires, and chassis. Teams make constantadjustments to a race cars setup up based on the drivers input.
