Page 115 of The Legend
I hated toadmit it because they were still assholes, but without Charlie and Noah takingcare of everything related to CST Engines. We wouldn’t have known what to do.They argued, threw shit at each other and blew up three engines on the dynothat week but they did manage to get all twelve sprint car engines ready to goin two days and the testing of the ten Cup engines done as well. No one knowshow, but they did.
I guessit’s true when my mom said that against all odds, life does go on. You move upthe track and search for a new groove that doesn’t have as much wheel hop.
Wheel Hop – Sway
Watchingyour husband in pain, disoriented, and trying to understand what’s happeningaround him was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. Sure I hadseen him in some horrendous wrecks, I’ve seen him beg for forgiveness even butseeing him suffer in ways that no one could help him, was the worst.
He didn’tunderstand much about the accident in the first few days and asked a lot of thesame questions but slowly, he understood and the magnitude of the situation hithim.
I wouldask constantly, “Do you need anything.”
His gazewould always be on the window, staring at the snow, and would respond with thesame inert, “No.”
There wasno emotion in him. No fight.Nothing.He was a manthat had lost his hero.His legend.But most of all,he wanted to be left alone.
“I’ll comeback a little later.” I would tell him and give him the space he needed.
Just likethe man I’ve known since I was eleven, he reacted the same way I expected. Heblamed himself. He regretted preparing the car for him and thought it wassomething he had done. It wasn’t his fault. It was an accident.
I had justgotten off the phone with Arie who flew to Florida to help Axel and the sprintcar teams out and now I was heading back to Jameson’s room where Nancy wasinside talking to him.
I didn’tgo in. Instead, I sat outside the room out of view and listened.
“You can’tblame yourself sweetie.” She told him. “It’s not natural, Jameson.”
Jamesondidn’t seem to respond, I peeked inside to see he was looking out that damnwindow in his room again. When he didn’t want to talk to you, he looked outthat window. Everyone was tempted to board that goddamn thing up, especiallythe doctors who he frequently told to “Fuck off.” At least we knew he’d befine, his vocabulary had returned.
“I forgetthings now.” Nancy laughed. “I walk upstairs only to stand there wondering whyI even went up there.” She paused and smiled down at Jameson. A few doctorswalked past and gave me a funny look. I felt kind of stupid sitting on thefloor outside his room but really, I’d done worse in the past. After all, Iwalked around for weeks with a magazine ad tucked in my bra.
“I canhandle getting old, it doesn’t bother me. This...”she motioned around the room, “I will never get over.” Jameson tensed besidesher looking back out his window. I could see his breath catch as he triedholding in the emotions for the sake of his mother. “But I will go on,” Nancyadded meeting her son’s eyes, “as should you.”
Asexpected, he said nothing.
“Youforget your age, or where your car keys are. And if you’re Spencer yousometimes forget what street you live on. But my point is you don’t just forgeta man like your father. I’m strong though and I have an entire family who lovesme and is willing to be there if I forget things like my car keys.” Nancypaused again, her eyes glazed over but she didn’t cry. “I loved him for overforty years, I will never forget but I will go on. You’re brave even thoughyou’re dying inside and I need you to be brave Jameson. I need you to realizethis isn’t your fault. I need my son. You remind me of him and I need that. Ican’t lose you too.”
His eyeswere still focused on that damn window but he surprised me when he looked up athis mom. “I will…mom.”
It feltwrong watching their moment together after that so I slipped away and wandered outsidefor some fresh air. After walking around the hospital I was freezing my ass offand being followed by press so I snuck back inside to find Nancy leavingJameson’s room.
She lookedgood. Tired, butgood.
“He’sasking for you.” She whispered reaching out to hug me.
“Thanks...are you staying?”
“No, but Iwill be back tonight with Spencer. I have to meet with Phillip about Jimi’swill.”
“Is Alleygoing with you?” I hated to think of Nancy going anywhere alone right now.
“Yeah, she’swaiting for me in the lobby.” We hugged once more and then I turned around tosee Jameson looking at us. He smiled lightly as though it was forced.
I washedmy hands and then made my way beside his bed. Naturally, he motioned a slightnod for me to get in beside him, so I did.
Nothingwas said, I didn’t want to pressure him. If he wanted to talk, he would. Thiswas hard for him. Inside he was there but it was hard to just jump back intowhat you were before. I knew that.
You don’twake up from a coma and become yourself. The soap operas lie. It is days anddays of slowly waking up, mumbling and confused. By the time the two-week markrolled around, Jameson was responding more and more and was able to focus onobjects and actually respond coherently to you but there were still days wherehe struggled stringing words together.
He askedabout racing frequently and who was in his car.
