Page 5 of Shade
Despite all of that, she’s still pretty. Covered in ink, much like myself, you can still see the beautiful young girl she used to be, but it’s the hollow eyes that haunt me. They’re the window to the devil in her soul. I try so fucking hard to act indifferent, but it doesn’t always work for me. The truth is, I’d do anything to bring the light back to her eyes.
Rhya doesn’t say anything. Instead, she steadies herself with a blank stare and shrugs. I’m not good enough for an answer. I hate how calm she is because she knows I’m raging inside over her. She knows I’m ready to explode at any minute.
And then I do, uncontrolled and unprotected, much like the way she leaves me.
In an act of frustration, I take the bottle of whiskey that’s sitting on the table beside the door and throw it across the room. It smashes against the wall spraying glass and liquor on the floor in a deafening crash.
My jaw clenches and I step toward her, harsh breaths and uncontrolled actions overtaking me. Pain and adrenaline punch my stomach, it sits, finds a resting point and feeds there knowing this girl and her fucked up choices have dominated me for so long. I’m at the end of my rope. My sanity is hanging by a thread, and I realize Ican’tbe this person for her any longer.
Dipping my head, I catch her eye sight, caging her in. “Am I not good enough for an answer?”
My temper doesn’t faze Rhya. It usually never does. She stares at me, still blank-faced to the fact I’m here, in front of her demanding answers. It occurs to me she’s probably caught off guard seeing me.
Truth is, I’mneverin town anymore and I certainlyneverwent to see her while she was in rehab. I couldn’t. I was in Germany the entire time. Maybe that’s why she decided to get high today? Maybe she thought, Shade’s not here; he won’t find out I wasted his fucking money again.
But here I am, and now I want some fucking answers.
Eventually, Rhya speaks, her hands still fidgeting with her shirt. “Look. . . I know what this looks like.”
Does she? Did she plan this? Get out and get high to make a point?
She willingly took me up on the offer to go to rehab again so why do this?
Her words only piss me off.
I kick the door shut with my foot and take a step toward her. “Tell me, Rhya. . . .” I take another step. I’m not going to touch her—I never would in anger—but she senses the rage radiating from me. “How many more times are you going to fuck me over?” Her body trembles and she catches her breath. My words seem to take her already drowning eyes and suffocate them completely.
She’s breathing heavily now but nothing compared to me. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” she whispers and the lack of words “I’m Sorry,” aren’t lost on me. Then again, she’s never been sorry, so why would today be any different? She’s never understood the meaning. And then she shrugs, as if it’s no big deal. With no regard for me, she adds, “I told him not to come over. He came over anyway.”
“Oh give me a break. That’s fuckin’ bullshit, and you know it.” I reach out and grab her wrists in my shaking hands. “How’d you get the drugs? I know damn well you’ve got no money. Did you fuck him? Is that how you’re paying for your blow when you’re not shittin’ my money down the fucking drain?” I let my eyes wander to the marks on her, the ones she always has when Gage has been around. Raising my eyebrow, I smile, let go of her and then grab for the table next to the door. “ARE YOU EVENFUCKING SORRY?” Hauling it over my head, I throw it at the window above her bed. It shatters the window on impact, the sound echoing like shock waves in the small space.
Rhya doesn’t budge from her place. Her only reaction to me breaking the window is to wrap her arms around her tiny waist, curling into herself.
She’s afraid now.
Good.
“How many more times are you going to fuck me over? How many more ways, huh?” She’s starting to cry now and it makes my anger soar higher. “Goddamn it. . . ANSWER ME, you stupid bitch!”
Too far? I don’t think so. I’ve never called her a bitch. Until today. And I think that’s the only reason I’ve gotten a reaction out of her now.
At the words, her body tenses, suffocating blackness closes in on me. Something in her changes and her own anger takes over, a side I haven’t seen in a while, surfacing and raging, spit through gritted teeth and tight lips, betrayal in her eyes. “I don’t have to tell you shit, Shade. You’re not my fucking boyfriend. You’re barely a fucking friend these days. Not once did you come see me while I was in that hellhole. But do you know who did? Gage, that’s who.”
Do you see that guy shaking with anger? He’s fucking pissed now. Just wait. It gets worse.
I breathe out, shaking my head, my jaw tight and ears ringing. “Yeah, I bet he fucking did.”
Do you see the lifeless girl in front of me? The one with flushed cheeks and black pupils? She’s pissed because I called her a stupid bitch, but she’s being one. She’s not concerned with anything other than the fact that I called her a bitch.
She doesn’t see it. She has no fucking clue.
Thirty thousand dollars. That’s how much it was for me to send her to rehab only for her to get high the day she’s released. If that’s not a slap to the face, I don’t know what is. How does she not see it that way?
I grab the back of my neck, attempting to ease the annoyance from my tone. “I’m not your boyfriend, but Iamyour friend whether you want to see it that way or not, and friends don’t do shit like this. I paid for your rehab because I care about you. Do you realize what a slap in my face this is?”
“I never asked you to pay for it!” she screams in my face. “What the fuck do you want me to say? Is me telling you I’m sorry really going to make a difference? Damn it, Shade, I want to make you happy, I really do, but no, I didn’twantto quit. You constantly think you know what’s best for me, but you don’t. You have no goddamn clue what my life is like.”
She’s being honest. I know she is and you know, a good part of me knew when she went to rehab she was only doing it for me. I just thought maybe at some point while she was there she’d realize what she was doing to herself and decide to stay for her.
