Page 191 of Shade
I feared love. I was scared of the falling out part, but what I got was a friend when I was alone.
What does that fear do to you? It sends your heart racing and the blood pumping. It tightens your muscles and gives you that burst of energy you need to do something insane. It’s the beads of sweat rolling down your temples, the rolling in the pit of your stomach and the increased strength. It’s feeling invincible.
How’s your heart? Can you feel the crowd roaring to life in your chest when they spot me on my bike?
What about when the announcer introduces me?
“He’s one of the only riders to ever do a triple backflip. Four months ago, it nearly cost him his life in Madrid Spain. Ladies and gentlemen, riding a Honda, out and competing in his hometown here tonight, please welcome back. . .Shade Sawyer!”
I watch Scarlet’s face as they announce me. The spotlight moves to me and I wave to the crowd, but I keep my eyes on Scarlet. What I wouldn’t give to know what she’s thinking and feeling. Is her heart beating like mine? Is she nervous? Will she squeeze her eyes shut the moment my back tire leaves the ramp?
“It’s your turn,” the official tells me. “Go.”
Hell, even he looks nervous.
Welcome to my world, dude.
Closing my eyes, my hands are shaky on the handlebars. I take another deep breath and roll down the ramp. The next few seconds, my mind floods with thoughts, about crashing, and about Scarlet.
What happens if I crash? Would she be there for me again? Can I put her through this?
And then I remember one thing Ricky said to me this morning. “Somewhere in that fear is clarity very few will ever experience.”
I know what that means. Fear holds you back, but when you fear something, you’ll understand the dangers and the consequences.
Isn’t it ironic how you feel most alive when your heart’s pounding so hard you can barely take a breath?
As my tires hit the bottom of the ramp, everything feels exactly right. I ride up the ramp, launch the bike and initiate the first flip. On the first rotation, I didn’t pull as hard as I could have, because I’m not sure, but I thought I had too much height and I’d overshoot the landing. I need more speed up my second rotation. So I pull as hard as I can on the handlebars on the second rotation. On the third rotation, I think that’s when I understand it’s possible so I let go of the bike completely—don’t try this at home, kids—and arch my body into a Superman pose, gain control of the bike again just a second before I’m able to get my feet on the pegs to land it. I land with what feels like a ton of bricks but guess what?
You’re holding your breath, aren’t you? Is your heart beating a million miles an hour like mine?
I land it.
I roll to a stop and jump off the bike, throwing my hands up in the air and ripping off my jersey. I don’t know why I do that, but I can only assume it’s because I throw it into the crowd along with my goggles and gloves. I probably would have thrown my helmet too, but you know my feelings on my helmet. It’s mine, damn it.
By the time I’m stripping away gear in celebration, and maybe in fear the pants are next, Scarlet is in my arms.
Do you see the look in her eyes? Do you feel it?
I do. It’s her. It’s a noise I finally shake free from. It’s a reason to believe there’s more to life, and it revolves around Scarlet Rose.
“No fucking way! You did it!”
Okay, so she shared the same doubt as me, initially.
I give her a hug, thank her for being there as I know sitting on the sidelines and watching is an experience in itself. Then I smile. I don’t let her go and instead, hold her to my body. “Can we have sex now?” My eyes drift to the judges, then back to Scarlet. “Pretty sure I just won.”
She thinks I’m joking. She’s laughing. I’m partially serious, the other part of me doesn’t even know what’s happening around me.
The next few minutes are chaos. Hugs, tears, cameras flashing and I’m left with feeling rooted deep inside my chest. The X Fighters is more than just showing off. It’s about coming back from injuries. It’s about showing the world you worked a year to invent a trick bigger and badder than everyone else. To go out on the biggest stage knowing your odds aren’t great, but if they are, you make history.
There’s no other feeling like that.
I’m standing side by side with Tiller. He bows to me when the scores are revealed. I won by three points.
Now it’s time to get Scarlet alone.
