Page 150 of Trading Paint
Nothing was the same without him.
I missed my life.
But mostly, I missedhim.I missed my life with him. It had been nearly a year since we last saw each other—a year since I’d felt the impossible strength of his arms wrapping around me and the way his warm touch felt against my skin and that’s why I was crying.
Now that I was finally here, surrounded by him—I didn’t want to let him go again.
I knew why Jameson wanted me around. I was like a security blanket for him as he was for me. We knew each other and that was comforting.
The next morning, it was hard to say goodbye.
“You sure you want to leave?” he asked in a voice mixed with annoyance and uncertainty.
The only reaction I hadwasto nod and look at the pavement because I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t look at himeither because if I did and I saw the sadness, I wouldn’t leave andI needed to.
He took the first step forward so I followed and wrapped my arms around him, fisting his shirt in my fist. “Promise me something Jameson?” I whispered against his shoulder and he nodded his head. I slowly pulled away from him, and without trying to hide the tears falling from my face, I finally looked up at him. “Promise me you won’t change.”
“I will always be who I am right now, Sway.” He whispered leaning in again.
He pulled me into another hug and I let myself get lost in him. His scent, the way his concrete arms felt around me, and the way his heart sounded with my head pressed to his chest.
“Thank you.” He whispered against the top of my head.
I pulled away from him.“For what?”
He put both his hands on my face and looked down at me. “I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”
I wanted to cry, worse than I already was.
After a brief hesitation, I smiled and shook my head. “You did this yourself.”
“No, you did. I race the car but you are whathaskept me focused on what I wanted.”
“Well then I believe I should be getting half your salary then.” I teased.
“Now you’re just getting greedy.” He laughed shoving his hands in his pockets. “Will you call me when you get to Seattle?”
“Yes,” my voice was shaky again. I knew I needed to leave but my feet wouldn’t move.
I think he sensed I couldn’t do it on my own so he walked me to the car but before he let go he paused and just stared at me for a long moment, his voice cracked when he spoke. “I...I will miss you honey.”
I started crying again.
Eventually I did make it on the plane and home but it took a lot of convincing from Emma, who flew back with me. It was Jameson’s orders, or punishment, depending on how you looked at it.
Diffuser – Jameson
For ten years I wondered why this girl owned me the way she did. When I thought of myself, I thought of Sway and always would. The night before she left, I held her as she cried and I realized exactly what I’d been denying for ten years. I loved her.
There was so much I could have said when she left the next morning. But I was too blinded by the loud thumping in my heart, the pain of letting go, to say it. This girl owned me, owned my thoughts. I drove myself insane thinking about her but still, I couldn’tfuckingsay it.
I knew she was leaving, I knew she wouldn’t stay but what scared me even more were the words that were on the tip of my tongue when I kissed her goodbye...I love you.
I wanted to say it. For the first time in my life, I wanted to tell someone I loved them, and she was my best friend. I didn’t love her as a best friend either,no,it was so much more than that.
It was the kind of love that you felt in your bones; deep blinding love.
I’d be lying if I said I was okay, I wasn’t okay with this. I was far from being okay.
