Page 60 of Unbound
I burst out laughing, my hand slapping over my mouth understanding the meaning, but Raven’s still stuck on the fact that she thinks Lenny only takes a shower once a week.
I’m not sure if I’m thankful for the conversation twist or not, but Raven takes her coffee from the dashboard and holds it up. “The girls at the coffee shop this morning gave me a run-down of my brother’s rather public blow up last night. Dish the details, woman.”
Groaning, I flop back into the seat. Of course Jesse would have told everyone. Her older brother’s a waiter at Valentino’s.
On the way to the dress shop, I tell them everything that happened between getting served the papers at my car after work, and the restaurant, and then him at my door in the middle of the night.
“That’s crap,” Raven says as we’re entering the dress shop. “He wouldn’t do this.”
My eyes water as I take a seat where we’re waiting for Val to bring out the dresses for us. “Do you really think so?”
Raven raises her hand. “I know him better than anyone, sorry, Sophie. I was literally his roommate for nine months, and he used my brain. I’m sure of it. I once broke my arm and he cried for me. That’s how connected we are. I don’t believe this for one minute. He would never sign away his parental rights.”
A sob builds its way to my chest. I want to believe he wouldn’t do this. I do, but there’s part of me that thinks maybe he would, the part holding onto the Rawley he once was. The one obscured by my reality and made me wish every word he spoke could be erased. “I just don’t know. I keep going back to the night he left and the way he practically forced himself on me.”
They both stop and stare at me, and my eyes go wide. I’ve never felt so stupid in all my life, and I want to take back the words. I can’t. They’re out.
“No way.” Raven’s eyes are so wide, her face pale. “He didn’t, did he?”
No. He didn’t.
“I don’t mean it like that, Raven,” I murmur hoarsely, having a difficult time getting the words out. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m upset, and I’m tired of everyone defending him when he does something wrong. I didn’t say no that night. At all. I could have, but I let him do what he wanted. It was a crazy night and everything came to a head at my apartment, and I honestly thought if I let him, he’d finally leave me alone when he saw what it did to me. And he did. Only I got pregnant because he didn’t use a condom. But in a consensual sense, I was awillingparticipate because I wanted him that night. I did. I was hoping he’d snap out of it.”
Raven searches my face and then glances at Lenny who hasn’t said a word. She’s looking at me as if she’s trying to understand what I’m saying. “Sophie, I don’t understand what you’re saying. First you say he forced himself on you, but then you say you’re a willing participate. It can’t be both.”
I feel like the size of a grain of salt.
“The situation got out of hand.” My hands fidget with the sleeve of my jacket. I don’t know if anything I’m saying, or about to say is making any sense. I should shut up.
“Everything had just gone down at your mom’s and when he got to my apartment, he was worse, high, and I honestly thought he was going to pass out or argue and leave. Once he was in the apartment he wanted more and there was a small part of me that thought if I gave it, maybe he’d either leave or see what we had, still. But he left afterwards.”
Lenny shakes her head, moving from her place across from me to sit beside me. “Raven, do you honestly believe he’d intentionally hurt you now though? Even after finding out about Lyric? I mean—” She swallows and waits for our eyes to meet. “Red said Rawley’s different now. They talked a lot the other day, and Red actually said he felt like he was growing up a little. I mean, he’s helping Red and Tyler today pick up tables and chairs in Portland.”
Now I feel like shit. He really isn’t running. He’s trying to make things right with his family. But I have to wonder if I’m part of his family. I’m living in his mother’s home, in his sister’s old room, raising his son, but is it ever going to feel like I’m part ofhisfamily?
“You know, one of the last things he said to me that night was, do you hate me now?” My chin shakes, tears slowly streaming down my face. I sniff, wishing I had the answers. “That’s exactly why he did it that night. He wanted me to hate him because he knew that was the only way he was going to leave me alone. He knew if I didn’t, he’d come by again wanting more from me.”
Raven grabs my hand. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that, Sophie, I am, but we both know he wasn’t himself that night, and I’m not going to defend him here. I’m not. But you know as well as I do, it would kill him if we thought he wouldn’t have stopped himself, had you asked him to that night.”
I nod. “I know. He would have. I’m just frustrated because just when I think I know where we stand, and I’m hopeful for a future, shit like this happens and I doubt his intentions when deep down, I don’t want to this time.”
“Your gut knows what’s up,” Raven says, winking at me. “Trust the bitch.”
My gut tells me he wants Lyric in his life despite those papers. The boy in the grocery store and the one with hopeful eyes waiting for me by the candlelit table, he still loves me and wants a future.
They’re both comforting me when Val brings out the dresses. It’s when I see Lenny’s long white gown being handed to her that I finally snap out of my pity party.
“Seriously, enough about me.” I wave to Lenny’s dress in her hands. “This is your day, your week, and somehow it’s been stolen by Rawley and me. Now go try on that dress.”
With a heavy sigh, Lenny stares at the dress. She’s not use to being fussed over and honestly, I think she’s enjoying having to comfort me and be a shoulder to cry on because the reality for her is, she’s getting married again.
For both her and Red, it’s their second marriage and I think, no, I know they’re both scared of what it means.
Lenny nervously stares down at her dress. “I’m never going to be his first kiss, or date, or even love, but is it worth something to be his last?”
“It is, honey. It totally is.” Raven smiles tearfully at her, as do I. “You’re his happy ending.”
I laugh and attempt to bring some humor into the moment for Lenny’s sake. “And we know he likes getting his end in you by the sounds of your morning showers.”
