Page 4 of Unbound
I toss my arms up. “None of you know a goddamn thing! None of you know what my days are like or what I’m going through!” Tears I’d give anything to stop shake my words, shake my fucking life. “Every day I’m judged on everything, but no one takes the time to help me. They just tell me what I’m doing wrong. All I’ve ever been is the youngest Walker boy, the fuck up. You know what, fuck you for thinking you know a goddamn thing, and ignoring it.” Lost inside the words screaming from me, I react, my anger built-up so much it has nowhere to go but out. Taking the cooler next to me, I pick it up and throw it across the yard. “Fuck all of you!” I scream at the top of my lungs, my body begging to give out. I can’t stop crying, and now everyone here knows it. All I can do is cry, cry for everything I’m losing and for everything I once had that was taken from me. I’ve never felt more alone than I do right now. Unloved, isolated in demons even I don’t understand.
Between heavy breaths, it’s a little girl with chocolate curls who guts me. The one afraid of her uncle for the first time in her life. “Most of all,fuck me.”
I’m unattached, relentless and uncontrollable. They stare at me as I struggle to breathe, adrenaline coursing through me, my hands shaking.
Do they see what she does to me?
Do they see how much this hurts to be this way because ofher?
Do they see thateverythingcomes back to her?
They’re waiting on my reaction, and I don’t know what to give them besides what I am. I have no answer for what I’ve done. I don’t even know who I am in the presence of Sophie Cunning anymore besides a fucking lunatic. I’m anything she pushes me to be, like this, fighting to prove myself.
Drawing in ragged breathes, I wipe tears from my face. I’m at the gate when Sophie grabs my hand, her jaw quivering.
I look at her, and our eyes lock; she’s crying. Mine squeeze shut and then I can’t help but find her gaze again, knowing she’s still looking at me, waiting to see what I’m going to do next.
It’s her tears, her fucking tears falling that break me apart. I’m so lost there’s no way I can come back from this.
Why her?
Why can’t I just walk away and leave this alone?
“Rawley,pleasedon’t do this,” she begs me, holding on to my hand, her mascara streaking down her face. Eyes that were once drowning seem to be suffocating now. I don’t know why she’s begging after what I’ve said, but maybe me breaking apart in front of everyone like I just did is causing her to try and stop me from leaving.
I want to say something. I want to take away the pain I’ve caused, but I’m rooted in place knowing nothing I say or do changes anything.
My hand drops from hers while my frame shakes, uneven and broken like my life. I’m a shattered sheet of glass with sharp edges and tiny slivers that get caught in your skin. Unseen to the eye, I’m there, waiting to infect the lives of everyone around me. They see it. She finally will.
I shake my head, biting the corner of my lip, tears falling hopelessly. “Sophie, this is what I do. I fuck up and I leave. You should know this by now.”
Despondent eyes fail to find what they’re looking for and she turns away.
It’s not fair I can’t have her, but I know one thing, I can’t do this to her anymore. To any of them.
