Page 67 of Unbearable
“Months go by and nothing, so he puts the ring away. He’s at his parents’ house one night, his mom trying to talk him into moving on when he tells her that the girl was pregnant, so yeah, it’s a little hard for him to move on because he wanted to start a family. He bought a fucking ring. Well, said parent tells him she doesn’t know how he got his girlfriend pregnant because she was told when he was younger he couldn’t have children. Doesn’t add up, right?” I raise my eyebrows at Lenny and I think she knows where this is going, but she never once interrupts me. She just waits for me to finish. “Given, he’s mad at his parents because they kept it from him for what,sixteen years. So he goes to the doctor. Wants to know for sure, right?” My gaze moves from the bottle in my hand to Lenny, my expression emotionless. “He’s sterile. Can’t ever have kids. They say he’s probably been that way since he was a teenager. So… that longtime girlfriend, the one he bought a ring for, cheated on him. And that’s the worst for a guy like him too, because fuck if he doesn’t value honesty and commitment. That wasn’t even his baby she was pregnant with. Pissed doesn’t even do his mood justice and he finds himself at the bar, again.
“This time it’s different. There’s a friend there. One he’s known for years, kind of like a sister to him but she’s never been one. She’s been more of a tease, something he can never have. Despite their age difference, she’s the perfect fucking girl too. Pops off with the funniest shit and always knows how to turn his day around. And she does just that, on a night when all he needed was a friend. Problem is, they get shitfaced and end up back at his place. Though he knows it’s wrong, he thinks what the hell? Can’t blame a guy for wanting to forget his problems for a little while, right? It starts off simple for them and they find themselves sneaking around because she’s his best friend’s little sister. The last thing he wants to do is hurt his friend or lie to him because deception is something he knows very well but the truth is, he doesn’t want anything interfering with what he and this girl have so they continue to keep things between just the two of them. After six months, she wants more. She wants what every girl wants. A relationship. Commitment. Things this guycan’tgive her. So tell me, what’s this guy supposed to do when he’s fallen for the girl, but he can’t give her forever like she wants when he’s not enough of a man to give her everything she deserves?”
Lenny says nothing. For like five minutes. I probably shocked the shit out of her with that story. I think I shocked myself a little because no one besides Red knows I bought a ring for Berkley. That’s probably not even the surprising part to her.
Her voice is soft when she asks, “Don’t you think what this girl deserves is the chance to decide this for herself? Maybe this guy might be surprised that she still wants him regardless of what he can offer her.”
“I can’t give her a family, Lenny. Shedeservesa family.”
She stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. And I probably have at this point. The bottle is halfway gone. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t… she’ll never be pregnant with my child.” It hurts to think that let alone say it.
“That’s not the only way to make a family,” she points out, taking the bottle from me when I reach for it. “You’ve had enough and you of all people should understand that. I’m living proof and it was your aunt who showed me that.”
I do consider what she’s saying, I’ve considered it myself. “She’s twenty years old. I don’t think I can ever ask her to sacrifice that. What if she changes her mind later?” It all comes back to that guy and the ring and being left with no girl to give it to, sadly. I don’t want to ever have that feeling of insecurity again.
“So you’re scared she’ll be Berkley?”
I stare at her. She saw right through me.
“She’s not Berkley, Tyler. You can’t make assumptions on her part. You need to give her the benefit of the doubt and let her make up her own mind. She might surprise you.”
I’m still twisting the bottle cap in my hand because I want my attention on something else, not Lenny and her seeing the emotion I’m trying like hell to avoid. “So what happens ten years from now when she wants her own baby and wants to feel it kicking inside of her? Then what?”
“I can’t tell you what she’d say but you’re not even giving her that option. No one can tell you what will happen in ten years, but what I can tell you is that Walkers, Red, Raven… Rawley… all of them… they love and they love hard. You’d be stupid to pass up a chance with her. Absolutely fucking stupid. She’s an amazing woman and the best friend I’ve ever had. Don’t let your pride stand in the way just because you feel like less of a man because you can’t give her a baby.”
Blowing out a breath, I drop the cap on the table and raise my hands to my face, running them over my tender skin.
“How did it happen?”
I peek an eye at her and then drop my hands to my lap. “What?”
“You being sterile.”
“It’s from my medication.”
“And you just found out after Berkley?”
“Yeah.” I snort. “My mom didn’t think it was important to tell me.”
Her eyes soften. “How are you dealing with it?”
Ripping the bottle back out of her hand, I take a shot right from the bottle.
She laughs. “Okay…. So you and Rawley?”
I groan at his name, a reminder of how I got here drinking whiskey in my kitchen in the middle of the day and resembling someone who lost a round in an MMA cage. “He just doesn’t know how to keep his fucking mouth shut. He’s constantly instigating shit.”
I think Lenny knows what Rawley’s doing just like I do. He pushes people, makes them see their faults so he doesn’t have to look at his own. In many ways, we’re a lot alike lately, which is why I usually let his shit slide, but today it didn’t.
“Just talk to her. I think you need to give her a chance,” Lenny urges me. “There’s only one way to find out and that’s by telling her how you feel. And tell her you love her.”
I raise an eyebrow, my gaze back on the bottle cap as I flip it around in my right hand. “Who says I love her?”
“You did. In the shop like an hour ago. Everyone heard you. And… if you didn’t love her, you wouldn’t care what she thought about any of this.”
I said that?Well shit.
