Page 47 of Unbearable
I’m trying my hardest not to react. I know I need to just be friends with him and not hope for more. I know I should tell him what’s going on between us is bullshit. I should tell him I deserve better than what I’m getting from him but the truth is, he’s giving me exactly what he always has. It’s me who decided it’s not good enough all of a sudden. If someone is going to have to change, it’s me and I know deep down that’s just not going to happen.
I guess in some ways it’s easier to play ostrich and bury my head in the sand to avoid the inevitable because the alternative is not having him at all. I can’t take that.
Finishing my eggs, I ask, “How’s work been going?” I’m trying to change the subject and I think he appreciates it.
Tyler laughs, taking the pan of eggs and placing a spoonful onto his own plate. He then sits next to me at the kitchen island. “Well, since Red found out about us, I’ve pretty much been handed every shit job imaginable but I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it. I changed oil for an entire week.”
Setting my fork down, I wipe my mouth with the napkin beside my plate and then fix my fork because it’s a bit lopsided. “Sorry, he’s a bit possessive.”
“Oh, I know.” He nods, his eyes on my fork, finding entertainment in my obsession for order. “I saw him when Holden broke your heart.”
My brow furrows. “You did?”
“Yeah, we paid him a little visit over the summer.” Tyler grins, as though he had fun doing it.
“What? I never knew about that!” And then I feel bad because that’s how strong their relationship was. Tyler and Red did everything together before he found out about us. Had I destroyed that? “I’m sorry, I put a strain on your relationship with your best friend.”
He holds up his hand to shut me up. “Raven, I was there too, with you, in that bed when it started. If I thought it’d destroy my relationship with him, I would have stopped. But give him more credit than that. He may notlikeit, but it’s really not up to him, is it?”
“It’s not.”
But it’s not up to me either.
I don’t say that and I know I’m a fucking idiot because despite everything he’s said, I know I should leave but instead, it makes me want to wrap my arms around him and give him whatever it is he’s willing to take from me.
Incredibly stupid on my part given my history.
“Well.” I stand. “I should get going.”
He sets his fork down and does the same. “You coming home this coming weekend?”
“I think so.”
He pulls me in for a hug, his arms wrapping around my waist and drawing me tight against his hard chest. “See you then?”
I try to control the rapid beat of my heart by pulling in a deep breath. “Okay.”
RIGHT BEFORE I’M heading back to Eugene, I stop off at Red and Lenny’s house to say good-bye since it’s on the way to the interstate and I miss my friend.
“How’d it go?” Lenny asks the moment I’m inside the house and she’s sorting through a box on the floor.
I pull my hood up over my head dramatically and sit on the couch behind her. “Where’s Nova and Red?”
“I made them go pick out a tree together.” Lenny sighs, toying with an ornament in her hand. “I think Nova needs some alone time with him. She cried when we picked her up today.”
Leaning forward so my elbows are on my knees, I pull my hood off. “She’s just going through a rough patch, L. Give her some time. She loves you.”
“I know, I just feel like maybe Red and I moved too fast for her.”
“It’s not that. She did this when her mom died too. Gave him a run for his money but it’s not you, it’s just her. Red’s the same way. Hates change and then when he comes to terms with it, he’s fine.”
Lenny moves her legs out from under her, tossing the ornament aside. “Okay… I just don’t want them to think I’ve invaded their relationship, you know?”
I nod, because I totally get where she’s coming from on this one. I just don’t think that’s what’s happening. “You’re not. I’m telling you, it’ll blow over.”
“So….” She waggles her eyes suggestively. “What happened last night?”
“Well, we went back to his place, had sex two more times, he came on my face and then I think I pissed him off by bringing up Berkley.”
