“Only in Calvin’s heart,” I say, and I turn in time to catch the pillow he throws at me.
“Ha ha.” He’s up and pulling on his pants over his thick thighs. “Come on, let’s go. We’ve got things to do. You know, the primary—she’s an ornery one,” he says, putting a smile on.
Sassy slips out of bed, awake. “I’ll be down in a minute,” she says.
“I’ll be waiting for you,” I say.
Haley and I have planned this thoroughly. There’s a lot of things that we don’t have much left of—flour, sugar, cocoa—and we’re going to make all of them count. In the last few weeks, Calvin, Zane, and I have figured out how to make some mud bricks, and I’ve recreated the oven that I saw on the pomelo beach. Well, ours is a little less crumbly. I’ve been able to cook a few things in it over the last week, and I’ve almost gotten the hang of it. I’m hoping that we can mix together some cookies, or at least attempt a cookie and some biscuits... but we’ll see.
The fire is going already, and actually there’s a slight chill to the air, which is refreshing. I wouldn’t say it’s cold by any means, but it’s less like a sauna and more like a comfortable 82 in the shade.
The thing is, for me... I know that this Christmas will be a letdown for, I guess, everyone else here, but it’s kind of normal for me. I’m used to not having anything. I’m used to a barren tree with one or no presents underneath it. But today will be different. We might not have the pierogi that my mom used to make or an array of Christmas cookies, but I also won’t have the drawn-out family fights that used to happen when I was younger. Oh, it’s different now, of course. It’s vastly different now. My mom and sister and my niece and nephew—they have a nice place, and there are plenty of presents under the tree for the kids. Or at least... fuck, I hope there is. I always send them something, lots of things.
I don’t like thinking about it. I don’t like thinking about how they must think I’m dead, because how could they not? It’s been so long. There’s no other logical explanation. But we’re not dead, unlike what Calvin thinks. Fuck, I’m sick and tired of him. What is life if there’s no hope? Sure, it doesn’t look good, but you don’tknow until you’re out, and even then, you don’t know at all. Because then you’re gone.
No, today is going to be amazing.
I glance up at the sleeping platform, seeing those long tan legs coming down. “Hey there, Sassy. Are you ready?”
“I think so.” She glances over at the tub where she’s been collecting supplies. “I know it’s weird—we could have done this a long time ago—but my mom and I always decorated the tree on Christmas Eve. Sure, we had lots of other things up beforehand, but the tree went up on Christmas Eve. And I guess, well, I know it’s not a tree, but... I bet it’s still an evergreen tree. It’s still what it represents—family, love, celebration.”
“That’s the spirit, Sassy,” I say. I’d begun to think that she was down about Christmas. I kiss the top of her head. “I know this is tough on you.”
She smiles up at me, her eyes glazed over, tears not quite dripping from her lashes. “It is. It’s so hard. I miss my mom so much. She was really good, you know? She was a really good human, and it’s not fair. It’s not fair what happened to her.” She looks up at me, tears dripping down her cheeks.
“I know, Sassy. Sometimes life’s not fair. But she wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
Haley nods. “You’re right. She really wouldn’t want me to be sad, not today. I’m not going to be sad today. Today is about family and love and happiness.”
“Did someone say happiness?” Zane comes around the corner. He has something behind his back.
“Oh, wow, is that what I think it is?” Sassy leans left and then right. “It’s a Christmas tree!” she says, her eyes going wide.
“This is part of your Christmas present. Well, I guess it’s a present to everybody, but I made it for you.” He puts it down on the table.
“It’s beautiful,” she says.
Zane’s made a four-and-a-half-foot-tall Christmas tree out of driftwood attached to a main trunk. The little pieces of driftwood hang low at an angle, giving it the shape of a pine tree.
“Oh my gosh,” she says. She wraps her arms around his neck and peppers kisses all over his face. “It’s so beautiful. Thank you so much.”
“Well, when you told us that everyone should make an ornament or two for our tree, I thought, ‘What tree?’ So ta-da,” Zane says, waving his arms around it like a game show host. Then he pulls a straw star out of his back pocket and holds it out in front of his chest. “You said you wanted us to make some ornaments, so I did. My neighbors were Swedish, and they always had little straw ornaments hanging all over their tree—little horses and hearts and things—so I made this.” He places it on top of the tree.
Her voice goes up two octaves. “It’s pretty cool. It’s perfect.”
“I’m glad you like it,” he says, pulling her in for another hug. Before heading over to his cubby, he grabs another box and hands it to her. “I don’t know... I was having fun, and well, I made a few more... just in case other people didn’t make any for you.”
I roll my eyes. “I made mine, Sassy, and it’s not just a shell on a string. But I’m going to give it to you later.” I drop a kiss on her forehead as well.
She cracks open the box. “Oh my gosh, Zane, these are so incredible!” She pulls out one after another—little straw horses, hearts, and even a little elf made out of straw with a red hat. “How did you do this?” she asks.
“Oh, I dyed it with some”—Zane pauses—“something I found on the beach. Came out pretty good, didn’t it? Father Christmas would be right proud.”
“I don’t know about Father Christmas,” I say, “but Santa would like it.” I cock my head at Zane.
He groans and throws his hands up. “Well, I gotta go. I’ve got somewhere to... I’ll see you later, Little Bird. Love you.” He looks guilty as hell. Like he’s dipping out on her. Not going to help Sam finish his Christmas present.
“Love you too,” she sings, blowing a kiss in his direction. She laughs. “It really is the season of secrets, isn’t it?”
