I close my eyes and listen to the rain on the roof. When I open them, Sam is still glaring while the others have moved along. Zane and Haley have their heads close together, probably talking about Rocky’s agenda or maybe theorizing what could be in the box. But I’ve got bigger worries.
Sam sits down next to me. He doesn’t say anything at first. Fuck, I hate disappointing this man. For a long time, I thoughtof him as, well, my hero, someone I wanted to be like. It’s a little different now, now that we’re in this... whatever we are in.
“I don’t expect you to live life in a bubble, but I sure as hell think you need to change your perspective. You’ve been living like we’re already dead, taking chances that don’t need to be taken. It’s one thing when you do it with yourself; it’s another when you do it with Haley. I won’t have it.” He raises his eyebrows at me.
I give him one good nod because he’s right. I haven’t really cared about things in a while, certainly not since the pirates. It’s only a matter of time.
I close my eyes, the rain on the metal roof thankfully drowning out the rest of the group. Sam moves to the other side of the platform, not waiting for my response.
The warm ball of fuzz—Pepper—is pulled away.
“Hey,” Haley says.
I crack open my eyes. Haley’s holding Pepper on her lap, her body parallel with mine.
“You doing okay?” She wraps her arm around mine, intertwining us, and rests her head on my shoulder. “You looked awfully deep in thought.”
I nod. In reality, I was almost asleep. It’s easier just to switch off than to think about things.
“I’m sorry they came down so hard on you,” she says.
“No, they’re right. I shouldn’t have taken you out like that. We should have come back in and waited for the tender to be ready, just in case something happened to the WaveRunner.”
“It’s not your fault. I could have stopped you.”
I cock my head at her. “Nice try.”
She playfully slaps my arm. “I could have,” she insists.
“That’s cute,” I think, because I’m awfully stubborn and when I get an idea in my head, be it good or bad, it’s just there.
“The guys had some good points, though.” She looks up at me, her clear blue eyes darker now in the low light of the storm. “But we’re fine, we’re good, and we’ll just move on from here. You don’t need to ruminate on it for days on end.” She covers her mouth. She does that a lot when she’s regretful of what she said, like she can stop the words from coming out or pull them back in.
“No, they’re right and you’re right,” I say. “But really, what does it matter? We’re gonna die here. It’s just a matter of time.”
Haley snuggles her head down onto my chest. With my free hand, I pet Pepper. She stands up and rubs her face along Haley’s chin.
“Calvin, you need to have hope,” Haley says after a long time. The rain has slowed; there are just fat drops echoing on the metal now. “Really—you need to have more hope. We’re gonna figure this out, right?”
“Right,” I say, too loudly. Pepper scurries away.
“Oh, come on. Now we’ve lost our lap warmer.” Haley repositions herself, kneeling between my legs. She holds my forearms in her hands, her chin tilted upwards to look at me. “I guess it’s no use. I can’t make you feel something that you don’t feel, so I’ll just have to have enough hope for both of us.” She rises up and kisses me. It’s a light kiss. Then she stands and crosses the room.
I miss her immediately. Why do I have to be this way? Being a realist sucks.
Chapter 31
Hall-Mark
Dante
“Morning, Sassy.” I lean over my former morning girl and give her a kiss. “You told me you wanted me to wake you up early.”
She rolls over, her eyes shut. Sam and Calvin both crack their eyes open at me. Sam immediately moves to sitting. Zane is already gone—well, I don’t know what he’s doing. He’s off making something for someone, I’m sure.
Sam stands like a zombie, pulls on a shirt, and disappears down the ladder, Penny chasing after him. I bend over and give Haley another kiss on the cheek. “Let’s go, Sassy. Sun is shining. It’s going to be a great Christmas Eve.”
Her eyes flutter open. “Did it snow?” she asks in her best little girl voice.
