Page 123 of The Only Thing That's Real
Leaning forward, she rests her elbows on her knees. “I feel so bad.”
“We’re both exhausted.” I rub her back. “This probably isn’t the best time to talk about any of this.”
“You’re right.” She sniffs, wiping her face with the sleeve of her hoodie.
“Let’s talk about something happier, like you and Angus.”
Sitting back in her seat, she smiles. “How about you and Knox? This is the real deal, isn’t it?”
Emotion wells up inside me, stinging my eyes and burning my throat. Unable to hold it back, I bury my face in my hands and sob. Yep, I’m tired.
“Wait, no. What’s wrong? What happened?”
“I love him so much,” I wail into my hands.
“Aw, sweetie. That’s a good thing.”
I shake my head from side to side but can’t speak through the emotions stuck in my throat.
“Why, what’s wrong, Ryan? Take a deep breath and talk to me.”
“I’m no different than you.”
“What? How?”
“I can’t give him what he missed with Sawyer.”
She’s tired, too, so it takes a moment for things to click, but when they do, realization widens her eyes. “Oh, sweetie.” She pulls me into her arms, my tears refusing to relent. “Does he know?”
“Yes, and he says he doesn’t care.” I take a steadying breath and exhale deeply, pulling myself together enough to keep talking. “He said he’s already got Sawyer, and if we decide one day to adopt or use a surrogate, he’s fine with that.”
“That’s great, Ryan.”
“Is it?”
“Of course it is.”
“Being with me means sacrificing what Cal and Charlie are experiencing this morning.”
“Honey, the man is head over heels in love with you. I think he’d sacrificeeverything for you.”
“He shouldn’t have to. His heart is so big. He deserves to have everything he’s ever dreamed of.”
“Don’t do that to yourself. We’ve all watched his dreams come true for the last twenty years.”
“This is different. All he’s ever wanted was a family. And I swear I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but he missed a lot with his first chance and if he stays with me, he won’t ever get a second chance.”
“You love him. He loves you. You’ll figure the rest out.”
“What if love isn’t enough?”
“It is, Ryan. If anyone knows that it’s me.”
“I sure hope you’re right.”
“Give Knox a chance. He deserves it.”
She’s right. He does deserve a chance.
