“Oh, and there’s this girl I want you to meet. She’s in a sorority, the little sister of a girl I’m hooking up with.Hot.”
And he was kissing me back.
“Knows about you, obviously, and seemed really into meeting you. And if she’s anything like her big sister, you’re in for some real fun tonight. Where is she? Shit, I was just dancing with her big sister too. Maybe they went to the bathroom.”
We were kissing in the middle of a party where tons of our classmates are. Where my whole squad is. Somehow, I got lucky enough that Barrera didn’t see what I was doing, but that doesn’t mean that in the minutes I was making out with Vale someone else didn’t see. Didn’t clock me. That I won’t be getting a call from Barrera tomorrow telling me that one of our teammates spotted me making out with the boy that he already can’t stand me being around.
I’m so fucking stupid. Jesus fucking Christ. I—
“Sorry,” I tell Barrera. “I—I’ve got to go.”
I ignore his “See you around, little bro,” and then also the “Gabi! Gabi, wait” coming from behind me.
“I have to go,” I say again. “I need to go home.”
“I’m going with you then,” Vale tells me.
I don’t stop until we’re outside in the cool October night, standing in a full parking lot. “What? Why?”
Vale’s quiet. His arms cross over his chest again, one of his hands holding on to his wings. He looks like he’s trying to figure out how to say ten different things all at once. His eyes go to the ground and then to me and then to the sky. His mouth forms shapes and phantom words until he finally says, “I came with you. I mean, I can get my own Uber or something if you need the space. I can just go home and get my clothes back tomorrow. I won’t force you. But … but maybe we could talk?”
I let out a loud sigh, closing my eyes, considering the reality of what comes next. Of what’s already happened. And, if I could take back tonight, if I could erase everything Vale and I did in there, I would—I wouldn’t. I knew letting those thoughts,the feelings I have for Vale, out into the world would only get me in trouble. But whatever happens next, I needed tonight. I needed Vale.
IneedVale.
“Gabi? Are you okay?”
“Yeah. No. I—I’m good. I just need a second.”
I might not feel so confident about how okay I actually am if I do end up getting found out tonight. But until then, I want to hold on to that acknowledgment of myself. I want to memorize how certain and perfect that moment felt. I want that little universe we created all for ourselves back.
History is repeating itself for me tonight, offering me the chance to maybe say what’s on my mind this time.
“Come home with me.”
20
A QUIET RIDE BACK,a quiet walk to the front door and into a quiet home. “I’m going to get us water,” Vale says. I turn back to him, giving him a nod before continuing up the stairs to my room. A minute later, I hear his quiet footsteps and the door opening and then closing. He hands me a cup and takes a seat on my bed next to me, with only an inch between where my right hand’s resting and his body. And we drink our water quietly. Another minute goes by. We empty our cups. Vale stands up, takes mine, and sets them both on my desk before coming right back. I look over at him just enough to see his hands clasped together in his lap. The hands that were holding mine.
You’re so stupid.
Someone could’ve seen you.
Those few minutes were some of the best of my entire life.
It’s not fair I can’t have more of those minutes with him.
“Will you talk to me?” Vale finally asks.
My hand grips my comforter as I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I … my head’s never felt so chaotic inside. It’s like there’s a mosh pit happening in my brain right now. I don’t—I don’t know what to do.”
“What do youwantto do?”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Why not?”
My eyes finally meet his as I tell him, “You know why, Vale. We don’t have to pretend like we don’t know why I started panicking. Like what we were doing was—what we’ve been doing too; I …”
