“¿Qué?I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kat. Thanks for the … whatever this is. Pep talk. Circle of trust. I support you too. And if I ever feel like trying out they/them pronouns, I’ll let you know.”
They let out a long sigh, crossing their arms on the bar between my hands and planting their face into them. And when they come back up, one of their hands reaches for mine. “One, as much as I would love and happily embrace that version of you, I truly do not see that happening.”
“Why? Because I’m so manly?” I reply, turning around and staring at myself in the wall of full-length mirrors while flexing my arms.
“It would be a difficult and devastating loss for the he/him community. But, two, I want to assume something now. Okay? And I do this not intending to mean any harm by it or make you feel like I’m trying to hurt you.”
“That’s comforting.”
“Shut up. I just … I’m really glad we’ve become friends, and I love you, as friends do.”
“I love you too, Kat.”
“I also want to tell you one more time that I hope you feel like you can talk to me and be honest with me about these things knowing I wouldn’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t even be bringing this up if we weren’t alone right now. And, I hope it’s obvious that I wouldn’t think any less of you, ever. At all. But I— Is there something going on between you and Vale?”
My eyes that were looking at our hands race to their face. “What? No. We aren’t—I’m not gay, Kat.”
“You don’t have to be gay to like guys, Gabo.”
“I—yeah. Yes, I know. That was my bad. But I’m not … no.”
They nod and squeeze my hand, keeping our eye contact going for a few more seconds before letting out another sigh. “Okay. Okay. I believe you. And I’m perfectly aware that friendships canexist. I’m not trying to scare you away from anything you have with Vale. It’s totally fine, and really, really great of you to have a close same-gender friendship with someone who’s queer—”
“Because it doesn’t matter to me.”
“And not everything has to be sexual or romantic—”
“Exactly.”
“I get that, and I embrace it.”
“Cool.”
“But if it was, or if you wanted it to be, you know I’d support you. Both of you.”
“Well, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Their eyes squint into a glare. “Don’t be sassy. I was trying to be serious and ready for a vulnerable moment. Still, even if y’all are just friends, I know what it’s like to feel a type of way about someone who’s never going to feel that way back. And I … he’s a good guy. The small amount of time we’ve spent together tells me that much. I know neither of us wants to see him get hurt—”
“What? Am I leading him on? Did he say something? He’s literally talking to a guy right now, Kat, and—”
“Cálmate, Gabo.No. I promise, you’re doing nothing wrong. He’s just—it’s obvious he likes you. Even if he’s talking to someone. And, because I’ve known you for longer than a couple hours, I know that you have this natural flirtatiousness about you that doesn’t filter for gender. You’re the only one who can volley right back to Orlando when he starts getting a little fruity.”
I let out a huff, my mouth going into a smirk. “Yeah, it doesn’t mean anything between the two of us. Pérez is just being a pendejo.”
“Unfortunately, he is very straight. Y es un pendejo. But, then, when it’s between you and Vale?”
My hands grip the bar tight, until it starts burning. I turn to look at anything else; the water fountain, the signs pointingto the locker rooms, the mural of waves painted across one wall. Something to focus on that’s neither Kat nor me. “I— No. It’s just, like, playing around.I’mbeing the pendejo in that situation.”
“That’s not— I’m not saying you are. But I am saying that there are differences. Giving him your jacket. And when we were playing FIFA, I thought maybe I was sensing something happening there. Like, I know the rest of the house jokes about it, and, yeah, they don’t mean anything by it, but I was hoping nothing they said was getting a little too close to home or making you uncomfortable. And if anyone on the team says anything about who you’re friends with—”
“How was I?” I push myself off the bar, taking a step back as my hands go to the back of my head, and I start rocking my feet back and forth. “What made you think something washappening?”
“All I’m saying is that I’ve never seen you look at your roommates the way you would glance at him. Whenever you’d make a goal and turn your head around, like you were trying to impress him. And you were fully leaning on his leg. You had your arm and hand, like, on his thigh for a while when you were talking to him.”
“Excuse me for trying to be comfortable on the floor. And for taking the floor so the rest of y’all could fit on the couch.”
“Sassiness.I get it, okay? I was reading into it. I got a little excited about the prospect and thought that my ability to recognize familia was going off and, for that, I apologize. You can absolutely be straight and have those Frank Ocean vinyls hanging on your wall.”
