Page 43 of Falling Fast
‘Maybe not, but I still let her down. I broke my word. If I’d met her when I said I would, then maybe I could have helped.’
‘You were only fifteen.’
‘Old enough to know better.’ A look of surprise crosses his face. ‘I’ve never told anyone that before.’
‘I won’t repeat it. I promise.’
‘I know.’
‘So …’ I pull my hand away, feeling self-conscious again. ‘Do I look that much like her?’
‘No. There was a similarity at first, but now … you’re Ava.’ His gaze settles on my face again. ‘And personality-wise, you’re about as far from Britta as you could get. She was lost, but you’re more focused than anybody I’ve ever met. You must be one of the hardest-working people in the whole team.’
‘Present company excepted.’
‘Obviously.’ His lips curve before he clears his throat. ‘So maybe we could go out for dinner again sometime?’
‘It’s OK.’ I shake my head sympathetically. ‘You don’t have to feel guilty about me. We had a rough start, but now you’ve told me about Britta, I understand. We’re good.’
A furrow appears between his brows. ‘I’m asking because I like spending time with you. Not because you remind me of Britta. But because you’reyou.’ He puts extra emphasis on the word.
‘You mean … like a date?’ My stomach is alive with butterflies suddenly. Very surprised, very confused, very excited butterflies. ‘But I called you monosyllabic!’
‘I know. It was pretty funny.’
I stiffen indignantly. ‘I thought you were going to get me fired.’
‘Please.’ He makes a scoffing sound. ‘You should hear what they call me in the workshop.’
‘What do they call you in the workshop?’
‘That’s need to know only. By the way, I listened to your podcast.’
‘Really?’ A quiver of pleasure rolls its way down my spine. ‘Which episode?’
‘All of them.’
‘All?’ I open my eyes wide. I didn’t think anyone had listened to all of them, not even my mum. ‘But I’ve been doing it for four years. That’s more than sixty episodes.’
‘I know, but I enjoyed them. I thought your analysis was very perceptive.’
‘Oh … thank you.’
I’m not sure what else to say. I’ve only recently got my head round the idea that he doesn’t hate me. The switch from that to him asking me on a date is making my head spin. A week ago, before Hungary, I thought he was a grumpy asshole. Yes, I might have fantasized a little over how hot he is, I may even have had a couple more spicy dreams, but I would never seriously have considered him as anything other than a colleague. Now I can feel my heart speeding up, beating a staccato rhythm in my chest.
‘Ava?’ He rubs a hand around the back of his neck. ‘What do you think?’
I lick my lips but still don’t answer. I must seem like the most indecisive woman on the planet, but it’s just … I don’t date. I’m not a relationship person. I’m too uptight. Iknowthat. Look at what happened with Oliver.But Leif isn’t Oliver, a voice at the back of my mind tells me. Everything about him is different. Even sitting here opposite him right now feels different. It’s like my whole body is covered in goosebumps. This must be what chemistry feels like. Would it –could it– be different?
Maybe.
I gulp. The truth is, I only went out with Oliver because I thought that I should, because I wanted to try dating again, despite what happened the last time. With Leif, there’s no should. There are several very big shouldn’ts. It would be too complicated. We’re colleagues. It could interfere with my job. I should say no.
So why am I hesitating?
Instead of an answer, a question finds its way past my lips. ‘Would it be allowed?’
‘Allowed?’ He sounds confused.
