Page 42 of Falling Fast
‘I found out by accident,’ I explain. ‘It’s not Vienna’s fault. I just don’t understand. I mean …why?’
He twists his face away, looking out to sea. ‘When we met in Monaco, you said you wanted to work in Formula 1, so I passed your name on. It’s no big deal.’
I contradict him. ‘It’s a huge deal. You didn’t have to help me.’
‘But I could, so I did. Rask gave me the opportunity to live out my dream. Why wouldn’t I help somebody else do the same? It’s what anybody else would have done.’
‘Actually I’m pretty sure most people wouldn’t have bothered. And why all the secrecy?’
‘Because if you’d known it was me, you might have thought you owed me something.’ He glances back at me briefly, then away again. ‘You don’t. Besides, it doesn’t matterwho mentioned your name. Vienna wouldn’t have hired you if she’d thought you weren’t up to the job.’
‘Well, I’m grateful, but I still wish you’d told me. All this time, I thought you didn’t like me. Now it turns out you’re the one who got me my jobandyou’re buying me new tyres.’ I tilt my head to one side. ‘Is it because of this person I remind you of?’
‘No.’ He shifts in his seat like he’s uncomfortable. ‘Honestly, Ava, I just wanted to help.’
I pop another chip into my mouth and chew thoughtfully. I should almost definitely stop asking questions now. We’ve only recently started getting along and I shouldn’t push it, but I’m too curious. ‘So, who was she?’
His jaw tightens instantly. ‘It’s a long story.’
‘I have a lot of chips.’ I lift my box for emphasis. ‘Although, if it’s too personal, if she was a girlfriend or something, then –’
‘No,’ he interrupts. ‘It was nothing like that. She was a friend. We were in care together.’
I freeze in my seat. ‘You were raised in care?’
‘Yes.’ His jaw is so tight now I can see the cords of his neck. ‘My mother died when I was eight. There was nowhere else to send me.’
‘That’s …’ I gulp. ‘I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’
‘Nobody does. I don’t talk about it.’ His eyes glint silver in the evening light. ‘Usually.’
‘If you don’t want to now …’
‘It’s OK.’ He puts his fork down. ‘Ask whatever you like.’
‘Really?’ He’s such a mystery that my mind is bursting with questions. ‘Well … what about your father?’
‘I never met him.’
‘A foster family?’
‘I had a few.’ His voice falters. ‘But I was so messed up and angry I refused to let anyone help me. Eventually, I ended up in a facility for difficult children. It felt like a kind of family. One of the girls, Britta, had red hair, green eyes …’
‘Ah.’ I let out a breath. ‘How long were you there?’
‘Only a year, in the end. Then I met the Falsens. They were my sixth foster family.’
‘And it was different?’
‘Not at first. Then they took me ice karting.’ He braces his hands against the table. ‘Remember how you asked me what I would have done if I hadn’t been a driver? The truth is, I don’t think it would have been a good path. But ice karting was a turning point, maybe even saved my life. I’d never been good at anything before, but being behind a wheel … That was different. It made me feel alive, but calm too. It helped me channel my feelings, and all of my pain and anger just faded away. People said I was talented, so my foster parents took me go-karting next. I was old for a beginner, but I worked hard and gradually moved up the rankings. Being a driver became all I wanted.’
I listen in wonder. This must be the most words I’ve ever heard him say in one go. I feel honoured and touched and … confused. Why is he tellingmethis? But I still have questions.
‘And Britta?’
His face falls in a way that makes me regret asking. ‘She wasn’t so lucky. When I was fifteen, she came to one of my races. I was pleased to see her, but I could tell something was wrong too. She was so thin and jittery. We arranged to meet afterwards, but then something came up and I bailed. A littlewhile later I heard she’d got mixed up with a bad crowd. Eventually she ran away.’ His voice is laced with pain. ‘They said it was a heroin overdose.’
‘Leif, I’m so sorry.’ I reach a hand out, though I don’t touch him, just place it on the table beside his own. ‘That’s tragic, but it wasn’t your fault.’
