Tammy brushed away impending tears with the back of her hand. ‘I thought you and Davey having an affair and Dad suspecting I wasn’t his might have been a reason why he – why he might have gone into the sea on purpose.’
‘No. No, I don’t believe that. He was in a good place when he went missing. I tried to tell you that at the funeral, but you were too upset. I tried to call you afterwards too.’
‘I didn’t want to speak to you.’
‘You were grieving. We all were. I never stopped loving your dad, even though I couldn’t live with him. He was doing OK. Ask Davey.’
‘Davey has said the same. I haven’t wanted to hear it.’
‘Tammy, I hate to say this, but while we’re being honest, I think you have to come to terms with the fact you can never know exactly what happened that day. The probability is that your dad went out fishing when he knew the weather wasn’t great. He might not have been taking too much care. You know he knew the waters so well. Too well. I think hewas simply bloody unlucky to get into trouble and be alone at the time.’
Tammy’s tears would no longer be stemmed and she let out a sob.
‘Please. Come here. We’re not touchy-feely people, but this is one occasion when we both need each other.’
Her mother held her and Tammy didn’t push her way. Her tears were long overdue. So many of them, in fact, that a flood was unstoppable.
Eventually, they dried up.
Her mum’s mascara was running down her face. ‘I bet I look a sight,’ she murmured, holding up a tissue streaked with black.
‘I’m glad I didn’t bother with make-up,’ Tammy said, smiling now with relief. She blew her nose. ‘I wish you hadn’t left us, but I understand why you did. I wish Dad was here, but I’ve accepted that he isn’t. I’ve been doing some tributes to him. I can show you.’
‘I’d like to see them. I heard you were doing well. I googled you and I still have a couple of mates in Porthmellow who tell me about you. I’ve seen your socials too. You are so talented. I’m very proud, even though you may not think it. I love you, Tammy.’
‘I love you too. It broke me when I lost you.’
‘You’ve never lost me. I’m still here,’ she said fiercely. ‘Please let me back in your life.’
‘I will. I will. And now I’d really better get back.’
‘To your friend?’ Her mother raised an enquiring eyebrow.
‘It’s complicated,’ Tammy conceded. ‘And I don’t need any more complications in my life right now.’
Her mother smiled. ‘Rightnow. Not forever. There’s hope in that, then?’
Tammy didn’t know how to reply so she simply smiled. It was easier than trying to articulate a situation and feelings she found impossible to understand, let alone explain.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Ruan hadn’t even got out of the car when the front door of Kathleen’s small bungalow opened and she started to walk down the path, with the aid of a stick, to meet him. The garden was tiny but neat – like its owner, who was a couple of inches shorter than Tammy, her ash-blond hair cut into a bob.
‘You must be Ruan,’ she said, greeting him with a wary smile next to a tub of geraniums.
‘I am. You must be Kathleen.’
‘I hope so or you’ve got the wrong place.’
Ruan smiled back. ‘It’s good of you to see me.’
‘Deidre vouched for you, or rather Polly did. Polly never suffered fools, so I thought you must be OK, despite the fact that Deidre was acting all cloak-and-dagger and refusing to tell me why you wanted to come all this way.’
‘I’m sorry for all the mystery.’
Kathleen gave a wry smile, her eyes bright. ‘In a way, it’s been exciting. Anyway, come inside. I’m making coffee. I assumed you’d prefer it to tea. Most young folk do these days. Mind you, don’t be expecting one of those fancy machines. They just clutter up the worktops and I don’t have the space.’
Even if he hadn’t preferred coffee, Ruan wouldn’t have said so. Kathleen was both what he was expecting and not at all. She was well over eighty, so the stick wasn’t a surprise. However, she was more direct than he’d expected, her blue eyes holding his gaze without any awkwardness. He also had a sense that she’d been preparing for his visit for quite some time.
