I throw myself down on the sofa cushions beside my sister. I can hear Harry and Salma bickering over snacks in thekitchen. I catch her telling him to ‘go fuck a tin of Heinz beans.’ Classic Salma.
‘You don’t know anything about those people!’ I tell Clara hotly as she picks up the TV remote and flicks through the channels. ‘That’s my problem with celebrities. They’re always performing, always faking it. You have no clue at all whether they were happy together, or if it was all a set-up. They probably signed a contract to be together for two years. I bet they hated each other the whole time.’
Clara looks stricken. ‘Of course they didn’t!’
I open my laptop on the coffee table before me. I pull up a folder with my latest Aarav interview, untangling my headphones and tucking my feet up beside me. I have a lot of transcribing to get done. I might as well do it while pretending to watchBook Boyfriend.
Salma and Harry join us, still arguing light-heartedly. Harry offers me popcorn from a large bowl.
‘You left this in the kitchen.’ Salma hands meToo Good to Be True, and I stroke it longingly. Maybe I’ll read instead of working. That sounds much more fun.
Across the room, Clara is still on one. ‘Salma, did you know Greta and Indiana split up? Can you believe it?’
Salma looks mystified as Harry leaps in. ‘No way!’ he says with outrage. ‘I thought they were in it for the long haul. They were so great together.’ Clara beams at his interest and I feel a spike of irritation. I hate how well they get on.
‘The best you can hope for with those stars is half a story,’ I comment, extracting the envelope bookmark from my noveland checking the length of the chapter ahead. Eight pages. Perfect. Short chapters make me feel like I’m a fast reader. Like I’m achieving something.
‘Better than that rubbish.’ Clara nods dismissively at the book in my hand and I feel hot with hatred. I loathe people who barely read and still feel entitled to comment on my reading choices. ‘And,’ she continues airily, ‘I’d kill to have something as sexy and exciting as Greta and Indiana had.’
I snort. ‘They broke up after only two years.’
‘Two years and four months if you count their dating era,’ Harry tells me defensively as Clara cries, ‘And it’s only because of, like, press intrusion and the stress of being an A-lister!’
I grin, actually quite enjoying the boost of serotonin I’m getting from teasing my sister instead of being furious with her. I’m trying really hard to be nice because I knowshe’strying really hard. Objectively I can see that this is my sister doing her best to be helpful and nice. Despite the Wetherspoons bog roll and long-life milk. What are we, students? I bet she also doesn’t floss and drinks blue WKD.
I mean, I also don’t floss, but I definitely don’t drink WKD.
‘Do you drink WKD?’ I ask her innocently, and she nods happily.
‘Oh yeah,’ she grins. ‘I drink it with Baileys and rum. I call it WKumleys – it’s delicious.’
There, see?
But I’m trying to channel Salma and Harry, who both seem endlessly amused by my sister’s hopelessness, rather than irritated.
‘Ooh, it’s starting!’ Harry points at the TV, looking way too eager as Clara excitably turns up the volume. Pre-game adverts blast and Salma snuggles into me.
‘I know you hate this,’ she says in a low voice. ‘But I’m glad you’re still watching it with us.’
‘I can’t promise to give it my full concentration,’ I say, smiling grudgingly and gesturing lightly at the book version in my hands.
‘We’ll take whatever crumbs you can offer us shallow TV people,’ she laughs, then sits up. ‘Oh, by the way, how’s it going with the mountain guy? You were with him again today, right?’
I nod, raising my eyebrows. ‘Yep, really good. I should be transcribing actually.’ I sigh. ‘God, Salma, I have such a crush on him.’ I pause. ‘Or maybe just a professional crush on his achievements? I mean, Aarav’s done so much with his life! I feel both hugely inadequate and intensely hot whenever he’s telling me about his adventures. I don’t really want this project to ever end, but it’s another tight deadline. A couple of months to do all this research and interviews, while the boss starts putting the structural edit together.’ I frown, ‘Although that dickhead librarian Mack kept interrupting us today.’ I give Salma a dark look. ‘He obviously hates that I use the library to work from, but the other librarian, Anita, has always said it’s fine! It’s what the desks are there for! If people like me didn’t use the library, it wouldn’t exist.’
Salma rolls her eyes. ‘He’s an arsehole, don’t let him get to you.’ She’s been in the library to meet me a few times, andbeen subjected to the shitty charms of Mack. Last time he told her she couldn’t come in if she didn’t sign up for a library card. They nearly had a fist fight before Anita intervened and overruled him. I squeeze my book into my chest, speaking dreamily. ‘Anyway, I could listen to Aarav’s stories for hours.’
‘Nobody cares about the mountaineer!’ Harry is red-faced as he shushes us. ‘The show is starting!’ Salma and I exchange an amused look. He is very into this series, who’d have thought.
‘There he is!’ Clara squeals as our leading man strides across the screen. She turns to the room. ‘Isn’t he the dreamiest? I honestly think we’re meant to be together.’
I snort at this, barely giving the screen a glance. Salma smirks in my direction. ‘Jemma only has book boyfriends,’ she tells the room, ‘but I think TV boyfriends are just as legitimate.’ Salma nods authoritatively. ‘Mine will always be Colin Firth as Mr Darcy.’
‘Which one is that?’ Harry frowns. ‘Is that his character inKingsman?’
Clara turns to the group, momentarily distracted from her new on-screen crush. ‘I know that film! It’s the one where he has a stutter, right?’ she asks and Harry shakes his head.
‘No, that’sThe King’s Speech.’
