He gazes at me and then breathes out dejectedly. ‘If that’s your decision, I guess I have to accept it.’ He pauses. ‘But Ithink you’re wrong. There’s something really fucking cool here, between us. And I think you feel it too.’ He reaches out to take my hand and chills pulse through me. He leans closer and whispers urgently, ‘Look, can we just have one night together? Tonight? Right now! To get it out of our systems? I feel like I’ll never want anyone like this again. Just one night?’ He takes my other hand and fireworks explode in me.
I can’t, I shouldn’t. There’s other things to consider. This isn’t sensible.
Oh Jesus, he’s going to kiss me.
He does, reaching for me across the table, and it’s just like last time, but even better. I taste him in my mouth and want more.
‘Can we go back to yours?’ He is breathless in my ear.
‘I really, really want to.’ I gulp. ‘But Louise is there, and I have a mean old downstairs neighbour who whacks on the ceiling every time we make any noise. I bloody hate him.’
Nick looks crestfallen and it somehow makes him even sexier.
God, I want him.
When people talk about not being able to resist a person, I’ve always internally scoffed. Like,of courseyou can resist! That’s so stupid. You’re just saying it as an excuse to behave badly or have unprotected sex or whatever.
But honestly, if Nick asked me to get pregnant right now, I would do it.
‘Follow me,’ I say in a quiet voice and he does as he’s told. We walk with purpose towards the bathrooms.
Ah, there it is. I knew there would be a disabled loo around here somewhere. Right by the kitchen.
With Nick close at my heels, we slip in, shutting the door behind us and waiting for a possible knock and a scolding. When it doesn’t come, we launch at one another. Kissing and grabbing and fumbling. Clothes are coming off, my bra pings open, I run my hands over his taut, toned stomach, my insides aching. I want him so badly. More than I’ve ever wanted someone.
Both naked now and still frantically kissing, I feel him lift me up by my hips, the pressure of his dick against me. I want it so much,so much. As I feel him enter me, a bang on the door almost knocks us both off our feet.
‘Fuck fuck!’ he exclaims, pulling away.
The door is flung open and a nervous-looking man with a name tag that says ‘Franco’ stands there, a horrified look on his face as he takes in the scene: us in flagrante.
‘Get out right now!’ he shrieks and we throw clothes on, too ashamed to look up at any point.
‘He had a real twat energy,’ Nick mutters as we hasten for the pub exit, staring at the ground the whole time.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
‘So,’ I say triumphantly, ‘it doesn’t count, does it!’ Lou’s mouth is open and she seems too turned on to reply.
Bibi scowls. ‘What do you mean it doesn’t count?’
‘I mean’ – I roll my eyes dramatically – ‘that the tip only went in a bit, so it doesn’t count. I’ve never counted Nick as one of my sex partners.’
‘Well, you are a lying little strumpet then,’ Alex says, looking amused. ‘Tip went in, it counts, mate.’
‘What would you know about penises,’ I mutter and she tuts at me. ‘Either way, he’s not an ex,’ I pout. ‘It was just those two encounters until I saw him again at those drinks with Alistair.’
‘And how did you feel then?’ Bibi asks and three sets of eyes stare at me intently, waiting.
How did I feel?
How did I tell myself I felt, or how did Iactuallyfeel, deep down in the place I mostly refuse to look?
I’m saved by Lou’s phone vibrating and I glance at it.Upside down I spot a name flash up. The same name that appeared that night we took Bibi to the hospital. The same fucking name! I grab her phone. I can’t have been right all along, surely? Was all this I-love-Sven stuff total bullshit after all? What the absolute fuck?
‘What are you doing?’ she cries, trying to take her phone back.
‘Why is Nick texting you?’ I shout. ‘Why are you making me talk about him? Is it just because you want to check if I’m still interested? What’s really going on here, Lou?’
