He nods his goodbyes to the rowdy group and leads me to a table in the corner. We sit down and regard one another shyly.
‘It’s nice around here,’ he begins hesitantly, glancing about. ‘I even like this grotty pub! I’ve never been to this area before. I’ve been thinking of moving, maybe I’ll move around here?’ We make direct eye contact and my mouth is suddenly dry.
‘Can I have a sip?’ I nod at his beer and he shakes himself.
‘Of course, but let me get you one. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.’
I put my hands up. ‘No, no, I’ve probably had enough. I’ve been in the pub all day with Louise – remember Louise Hickman from school?’
He laughs. ‘How could I ever forget Louise? Is she doing OK?’
I nod as we exchange catch-up pleasantries. The small talk feels strangely intimate; natural and warm. Like I could reach over and touch him without it being weird. I could scratch his stubble with my fingernails and kiss his neck.
Hold on, maybe thatwouldbe weird.
He gestures at the room. ‘Do you remember when I worked in the student bar at uni?’
I laugh. ‘Obviously! Although I was only at uni for a couple more weeks after, er,that night.’
‘Yes,’ he smiles a little sadly. ‘We didn’t get any more secret lock-ins.’ He pauses. ‘Although that one was definitely memorable…’ Images of the evening hang in the air between us and I cough awkwardly.
‘So,’ he asks, ‘did you end up as a chef? Are you set to be the next Gordon Ramsay?’
I make a face. ‘I hope not. But yes, I am working as a chef!’
He looks pleased before catching my expression. ‘Oh. Is it not as fun as you hoped?’
‘Ahhh,’ I sigh. ‘I don’t know, Nick. I absolutely love it in so many ways. But the hours really are killing me. Today has been my first day off in six months, hence drinking all day with Lou!’ He laughs sympathetically, lifting his chin, and I stare at the stubble again.
Maybe just a quick scratch? Maybe he wouldn’t mind?
‘And some of the people aren’t that great,’ I add quietly, thinking of all the horribleness with Carl. Leaving that jobso suddenly was intensely humiliating, not to mention how many people in the industry seem to know what happened. I got a new job in a kitchen eventually, but some of my co-workers still make comments about Carl as if the situation was all on me – all my fault.
‘We’re still young,’ Nick says kindly. ‘Twenty-four is nothing! There’s still plenty of time to change your mind about what you want to do. Your dreams are allowed to adapt and change direction.’ He nods, almost to himself. ‘One minute I’m dreaming about zombies, the next I’m dreaming about wearing the wrong pants to work. Dreams are bananas.’
I snort. God, he’s so nice. And so hot.
‘I bet you’re really good at what you do,’ he continues. ‘I went to a work party the other week where the food was so terrible.’ He makes a face. ‘It can spoil your night so easily. Maybe you should get into planning events so you can always make sure the food is decent?’ He laughs and I join in but…
But…
Huh, events. That’s something to consider. Events… Because I do love the process of creating something special for people. Making something from nothing that people remember. I love being involved in the creation of a special night that brings a whole lot of joy to a group. Huh.
‘What about you?’ I say quickly, changing the subject. ‘Are you happy? How’s life going for you as we enter our mid-twenties?’
‘Pretty good,’ he smiles. ‘I’m considering getting a dog. Do you think that would be mad? It’s a lot of responsibility, isn’t it?’
I reach across and take another cheeky sip of his beer. He doesn’t answer immediately, just watches me do it. And I catch his pupils change colour.
‘Oh god.’ He puts his head in his hands. ‘Esther, I don’t want to make small talk with you. I mean, it’s fun and lovely, but all I’m thinking about is kissing you. I still really, really fancy you.’ He pauses, then grins. ‘Are you single? Can we, like, go out on a real date?’
I swallow down the instant yes. It can’t be as easy as just saying yes. ‘Um, are you still friends with Alistair?’ I ask at last. He regards me for a few seconds.
‘Kind of,’ he admits. ‘We’re not close mates these days, not like we were at school. But we still hang out in a group occasionally.’
I tear my eyes away from his. ‘It’s too complicated,’ I say softly, staring at my hands. ‘There’s Alistair and…’ I consider how hurt my first love would be. And then I think of Paul. We’re just mates at the moment, but increasingly I think something might happen between us now we’re both finally single at the same time. We have unfinished business that will get in the way if I go for it with Nick Wilde. Just because I have this weird chemical reaction to him doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
I try to steady my breathing. ‘Sorry, Nick, I don’t think we should see each other again. I can’t… It’s too much, too intense.’
