She softens, looking gooey-eyed. ‘He is amazing.’
‘Sven is great,’ Bibi smiles warmly. ‘And we’re really pleased for you.’ Alex places a tender hand on her girlfriend’s and I roll my eyes.
‘Ugh,’ I moan, only half joking. ‘Am I going to have to deal with you three being all cute and loved up from here on out?’ Bibi and Alex grin at one another. ‘I thought the last few months were meant to be about findingmemy happily ever after. Stupid Seven Exes Mission.’
‘Is that it then?’ Bibi looks a little sad. ‘The end of your mission? And none of them were right? None of your exes?’
‘Nah,’ I sigh. ‘I guess I ended all of those relationships for a reason after all. Who knew Younger Esther actually had some sense?’ I hesitate. ‘And, surprisingly, I feel pretty good! I have a new perspective on things, y’know? I have a job I really love’ – I pause, thinking about my chat with Katie – ‘that I have somehow – miraculously – managed to not fuck up. I have some pretty great friendships that I also haven’t fucked uptoobadly.’ I grin around the room at my three best friends. ‘And, believe it or not, after everything, I do still actually have faith someone nice will probably come along to marry me at some point. I don’t know why I was in such a rush, there’s plenty of time! I’ve got my whole thirties!’
‘And then the divorce circuit kicks in, when a whole load of great new options get unleashed onto the market,’ Bibi points out helpfully. ‘You won’t think twice about your seven exes!’
‘Technically I think it was only ever six exes anyway,’ Imuse. ‘Clearly Paul never counted as an ex. He never was a Missed Chance. He was an idiot.’
‘But what about your other Missed Chance?’ Lou asks, her brow furrowed. ‘He counts as a seventh ex.’
‘What seventh ex?’ Alex leans forward a little, intrigued.
‘You know! Herotherex!’ Lou looks from me to the others expectantly. ‘You know?’ She rolls her eyes. ‘Nick!’
Everyone looks at me.
Lou stamps her foot a little impatiently. ‘I know you didn’t include him in your Seven Exes Mission, Esther, but I thought that was just because he didn’t work with the magazine article thing. It was such a perfect fit for all your other exes, I thought you’d deliberately left him out because you wanted it to – I dunno – fit the narrative. He didn’t make sense with the others.’
‘Oh my god, there’s a secret eighth ex?!’ Alex gasps. ‘Nick who?’
‘No, no!’ I laugh nervously. ‘He wasn’t – he isn’t! – an ex.’
Louise scoffs. ‘Of course he was!’
‘Wait,’ Alex moves in closer. ‘Not Nick from school? Nick Wilde?’
‘No!’ I say again, firmer this time. ‘We never actually dated – Lou is being mad. We never even went out on a date together! He’snotmy ex, shut up, Lou!’
She gives me a firm stare and I watch as she straightens her back and lowers her voice.
‘Do not tell me to shut up, Esther.’ She says it softly but with purpose. This secret sex mission she and Sven have beenon has clearly given her bonus confidence. ‘And you know I’m right.’ She turns to an open-mouthed Bibi and Alex, who – I note – are holding hands excitedly.
‘They had a one-time thing at uni and then met up again a few years ago.’ She glances back at me. ‘Just because it hasn’t gone any further doesn’t mean it wasn’t real between you.’
Fuck. I never should’ve told her anything. Why did I tell her? I knew I couldn’t trust her. I mean, er, I couldn’t trust her beyond these, like, ten years she’s kept all this a secret.
Bibi is goggle-eyed. ‘Come on, tell us! What happened between you at uni?’
I take a deep breath. Fuck it.
SECRET EX 8: NICK WILDEAKA The Ex That Wasn’t An ExPART ONE
Durham University
The student bar
2.31am
‘I always had a crush on you at school, you know?’ Nick is lying next to me, on a bench covered in penis doodles. We university students might technically be adults, but we’re not grown-ups. Especially when working with a toxic combination of marker pens and alcohol.
‘No you didn’t, shut up,’ I laugh.
He turns to face me, looking serious. ‘I did, I really did. But then Alistair said it out loud first and I knew he’d be annoyed if I said I did too. Or maybe I was worried he might think I was copying him or something. So I becameyour matchmaker instead, shouting at you across the playground!’ He laughs a little cynically. ‘Such an immature thing to do.’
