Lou looks anxious at my lack of interest in gurning. ‘SHALL WE ASK SHELLEY? SHE GOT US THE COKE, SHE’LL KNOW IF WE’RE GURNING AND IF IT’S NORMAL GURNING OR IF WE NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL.’
I look around. ‘WHEREISSHELLEY?’ The club we’re in is heaving with sexy, sweaty people dancing. They’re all women.
‘MAYBE WE SHOULD GO TO THE HOSPITAL ANYWAY?’ Lou has stopped dancing and looks pale now. ‘WHAT IF IT WAS BAD COKE AND ACTUALLY WE HAD WASHING POWDER OR RAT POISON AND BLOOD WILL START COMING OUT OF OUR EYES IN A MINUTE?’
‘LAST TIME I SAW HER SHE WAS CHATTING UP THE DJ.’ I ignore Lou’s wild speculation, still looking around the room.
‘I’M CALLING 999,’ Lou tells me as I spot Shelley, swigging a drink in a booth on her own, and wander off in her direction. I take a seat next to her.
‘Lou’s calling herself an ambulance,’ I say conversationally. Shelley nods back, chewing on her usual gum, even while clubbing.
‘Any particular reason why?’
‘She’s having a panic about the drugs you got us.’
‘For god’s sake.’ Shelley rolls her eyes. ‘I gave the pair of you a bit of sugar from the tea cupboard. I didn’t think either of you could handle actual drugs, and clearly I was right. Plus, you both only put about three specks on your gums anyway. Even if it had been actual coke, it wouldn’t have been enough to do anything.’
‘Oh.’ I am disappointed. ‘But I feel so high!’
She looks rueful. ‘Er, that might be all the booze? We’ve been drinking since midday.’
‘And much of said booze was shots,’ I nod, understanding the sense of it all. ‘So Lou and I are still the losers who’ve never done drugs?’
‘Yes,’ Shelley confirms, taking out her gum and disposing of it in a tissue.
‘Ugh!’ I sink lower into the seat. ‘I’m so pathetic. No drugs, no boyfriend, a kitchen full of cliquey men at work who make it very clear they think I’ll never make it as a real chef.AndI haven’t had sex in an age! I can’t believe it.’ I roll over in the booth to face her. ‘You know the last time I had sex was Carl? I mean, it was really, really hot and everything.’ I pause to check she believes me. ‘I totally, definitely enjoyed the whole experience with him – definitely. But it was nearly a year ago now! I’m twenty-two,shouldn’t I be banging everyone around me and doing lots of things I regret?’
‘Absolutely,’ she agrees. ‘I’m constantly regretful – it should be the way of things.’
‘The trouble is,’ I sigh deeply, ‘I never have any time off. This has been my first Saturday not working in – how many months? Fucking loads. I work from eight in the morning until one in the morning. When exactly am I supposed to find people to have sex with?’
‘Oh mate.’ Shelley looks sympathetic and I reach out for a hug. She’s so warm and smells so good.
‘Honestly, Shell, I’m starting to think maybe I don’t want to be a chef after all. I’m working such insane hours and it’s become my whole life. I barely even see you and Lou – and I live with you guys.’ Over her shoulder, I spot Louise in the corner looking sulky as she’s scolded by two furious-looking paramedics.
Shelley squeezes me tighter. ‘But mate, you’ve trained so long for it! You can’t let those dickheads you work with win.’
‘Ugh, I know.’ I look up at her big blue eyes. She is so beautiful and I love her so much. ‘I really do love cooking but it’s taking over everything. And I don’t think I’ll even be a sous chef for at least another year.’
‘I guess you have to figure out if it’s all worth it then,’ she says sweetly and I watch her mouth as she speaks. She has these gorgeous, straight white teeth I’ve always envied. God, I love Shelley, she’s so pretty and sarcastic and funny. I wish I was like her.
‘I think I just need to get laid,’ I whisper. ‘I think that will relieve the pressure and I’ll be able to think straight again.’
She’s looking back at me now. We’re looking at each other.
‘If you think that will help?’ she says slowly, her plump lips moving with the words. Her breath smells like lovely mint.
‘I think it really will,’ I whisper again, unable to tear my eyes away from hers. How have I never noticed before how incredibly sexy she is? I’ve always worshipped her, always wanted to be close to her, but I didn’t consider anything beyond a friendship before tonight. I’m realizing now that the distance between adoring someone – loving them to death – and wanting to kiss them isn’t as far away as I thought. In fact, I’m already there and it only took me half a step.
‘Do you want to go back to the flat?’ My voice trembles and she takes my hand, entwining our fingers, meshing them together. It feels amazing and I suddenly want to touch the rest of her so much.
We get an Uber home, abandoning Lou to her fate. It’s an expense we normally wouldn’t dare spare but we can’t wait. And it’s worth it because back at ours, I’m treated to the best orgasm of my life. Afterwards, we collapse in a sweaty heap on my bed.
‘Holy crap, Shelley, you’re so good, I had no idea.’
She looks pleased, then thoughtful. ‘Esther, can you call me Alex? I’ve been thinking for a while that I don’t want to be Shelley anymore. It’s so juvenile. It was the pre-teen me, trying to stand out and seem cool. I don’t want to be Shelleynow, and I especially don’t want to be Shelley with you, in these moments.’
‘OK,’ I nod in understanding, then pause. ‘Moments – plural?’
