I guess he’d had enough? Surely he wasn’t offended by the offer of more wine? Was it because I didn’t say he was my best boyfriend? Even though he probably was.
I swallow down a lump in my throat. I willnotcry.
Seriously, what just happened? We were talking about the old days, it was all fun and laughter. And then he… why did he… what happened?
I mustn’t cry.
Does it matter what happened? He’s gone and I just need to get out of here. He’s obviously just a weirdo who had a strop for no reason. I’ll just get my stuff and go home.
But I don’t. I keep sitting there, feeling eyes watching me, wondering what I did wrong.
EX 1: ALISTAIR MORRISAKA The First LovePART THREE
Durham University
College room
6.31pm
‘Go on then, bloody do it!’ My roommate rolls her eyes. ‘Happy Hour starts in half an hour and they’ve got five Snakebites for a fiver on special offer.’
‘I’m scaaaaaaared, though,’ I bray, already half cut. ‘I know I have to do it but it’s horrible, isn’t it? We’ve been together for years. I still care about him a lot, y’know?’
‘Oh come off it.’ She rolls them again. ‘Every single person comes to uni with a boyfriend or girlfriend, and every single one of them dumps or gets dumped in the first year. You have to get in there first before he dumps you. It’s what uniwas made for! It’s where we go to start anew and have some adventures.’ She stomps her foot a bit impatiently. ‘Seriously, Ellie, the Snakebites are waiting.’ She’s been calling me Ellie since we met a few weeks ago, and I don’t know how to correct her. Particularly since I haven’t got the faintest idea what her name is.
It’s weird when you’re sharing a room with a stranger. You sort of have to throw yourself in and act like you’re best friends right from the start. And if you miss the big stuff early on – like, er, names – then you kind of have to just pretend.
I grit my teeth and pick up my phone, hitting speed dial one.
‘Hey baby,’ he answers quickly. ‘Finally returning my calls! How’s uni life? Enjoying it so far?’ He laughs but doesn’t stop for any answers. ‘I feel like I’ve barely heard from you. Not calling to dump me, are you?’
Oh god. Why did he say that?
He stops laughing when I don’t join in.
‘Alistair,’ I begin slowly, feeling horrendous. My roommate shoves another glass of green liquid in my face and I quickly knock it back. ‘Alistair, I know this is a shit way to do this but—’
‘Jesus, you’re not being serious, are you, Esther?’ His voice suddenly sounds horrified. ‘Are youactuallybreaking up with me? Are you really?’
I open my mouth, and shut it again. ‘I’m so sorry.’
There is a long silence as guilt crushes down on my head. Am I doing the right thing? This random girl is right, isn’tshe? Everyone breaks up when they go to university, don’t they? There are so many new people here, so many parties, so many wild experiences to try. I want to have adventures, I want to experiment with who I am, I want to snog countless boys and girls. Plus, Alistair’s my first love, it’s not like it was going to last, right? Especially not long distance for three years while I’m in Durham! I’ve always known Alistair would leave me at some point so I might as well do it for him.
‘Out of nowhere?Over the fucking phone?’ He sounds so hurt. I thought avoiding him this past week would lessen the blow – that’s what Roommate suggested – but it’s clear he had no idea this was coming.
‘Um…’ I feel dizzy. What if I’m making the wrong decision? ‘I mean, I had thought we should maybe talk about a few things – about where we are, or—’
‘I can’t believe this.’ His voice sounds crackly and far away. ‘I really can’t believe this. You’re actually dumping me. After three years together. You’ve only been there a few weeks, is university that fucking compelling?’
I don’t know what to say. There’s a sticky sweet lump in my throat: part emotion, part cheap shots.
‘You swore you wouldn’t do this,’ he says in a devastated whisper. ‘You promised me we wouldn’t break up when you went to university. You haven’t even given this a chance. It’s barely been half a term.’
‘I’m so sorry, Alistair.’ My voice dries up again. ‘I didn’t want to do it like this and I know it seems sudden but—’
Across the room, my impatient roommate mimes a drinking action. ‘Hurry the fuck up,’ she mouths aggressively before adding in a much louder voice, ‘IT’S HAPPY HOUR, ESTHER!! The lads from down the corridor are waiting for us!!’
‘It’s clear you’re in the middle of something.’ Alistair’s voice is suddenly cold. ‘I’ll let you go.’
