But he is handsome, I think.
I realize with an internal duh that I still fancy him. A lot.
‘Do you remember that house party I had in Year Eleven’ – he leans in, smiling easily – ‘where Louise was sick in my cutlery drawer? It was impossible to clean fully. I swear the reason my parents ended up moving a few years later was because Mum was still finding teaspoons glued together with congealed chunks.’
‘That was my fault,’ I confess. ‘I fed her a highly toxic combination of nine Blue WKDs and an entire tube of salt and vinegar Pringles.’
He laughs easily, maintaining seriously sexy eye contact. ‘Or that time you, Shelley and Lou were all in the Christmaspantomime directed by the drama teacher, Mrs Wilde – do you remember, she was Nick Wilde from the football team’s mum?’
I join in eagerly. ‘Yes! I was Friend No. Two of the Wicked Stepsisters, which was a totally made-up part and I felt very patronized. Shelley and I only auditioned because Lou made us.’
‘Which explains why you didn’t know any of your words on the night,’ he snorts. ‘Louise kept shouting all your lines for you, and then you and Shelley disappeared for the second half altogether.’
‘In the interval Mrs Wilde told us to go the fuck home,’ I grin. ‘It was the first time a teacher had ever sworn in front of us.’ I pause, drinking him in. ‘Lou is still acting.’ I clear my throat, looking away. ‘Sort of, anyway. She has an agent and goes out on auditions.’
‘That’s great,’ he says warmly.
‘And she’s all loved up with her boyfriend, Sven,’ I add, wondering even as I say it why I feel the need to tell him this. ‘They’ve been together for years, they’re, y’know,sorted. They’ll probably get married and have kids soon.’ I look down at the table, trying to keep the jealousy out of my voice.
Alistair misses my tone as he continues down our memory lane. ‘Do you remember when Louise had that massive argument with Nick in the playground?’ I nod, remembering the days-long drama all too well. ‘She was so insistent that the expression wasn’tThe simple fact of the matter, butThe simple fucked of the matter. She was so sure it was rude.’
‘I’m still not sure which one is right?’ I muse dryly.
He laughs heartily, we both do. ‘I remember Shelley backing her up when they were squaring off, but then telling everyone on the playground that Lou was wrong.’ He tops up my glass, his long arm reaching easily across the table. ‘You lot were always such a tight-knit gang. Always so fucking great – such cool girls,’ he says when we calm down enough to speak.
‘What?’ I almost snort wine back into my glass. ‘I don’t think you could ever accuse us of beingcool.’ I laugh again and he cocks his head, his brow furrowing.
‘Of course you were.’ His voice is playful but serious. ‘You three were the coolest girls in our year. You were a bit of a scary clique, if I’m being honest. All the other girls were afraid of you.Iwas a little afraid of you.’
I shake my head, baffled. ‘Have you rewritten history? Me, Shelley and Lou were absolutelosers. No one wanted to hang out with us, that’s why we hid out down the bike sheds every day.’
‘Er’ – he smirks an all-knowing smirk – ‘I thinkyoumight be the one who’s rewritten history. You hung out in the out-of-bounds area, smoking your cigarettes, blanking the rest of the year becauseyou were the cool girls. How did you miss this?’
I close my mouth, trying to find some of this apparent coolness in my memory banks. I thought we were rejects at school – did everyone else feel like we were rejectingthem?
Alistair continues. ‘Yeah, you were always so pretty and clever, while Shelley was brave and naughty – plus, beingAustralian and always chewing gum really gave her a cool, outsider edge – and then Lou was really sweet and cute. All the girls wanted to be in your group or be like you.’ I shake my head, still flabbergasted by this news. Alistair smiles. ‘I still remember the day I asked you out. I was way too chicken to approach you myself. Nick was the only one brave enough to shout you over. We thought you would tell him to fuck off, or that Shelley would.’
Shelley did tell people to fuck off a lot. But it didn’t seem that offensive in her Aussie twang.
‘Well, I’m glad you did. Asked me out, I mean,’ I say and there is another silence. But this time it is not awkward. If anything, it’s charged.
Alistair is the first to speak. ‘So you haven’t met anyone special since, er,’ he laughs, ‘well,me?’
I pause, thinking of the other relationships, each important and special in different ways. But I know what he wants to hear.
‘Nah.’ I hold his eye contact and something in my chest flutters a little.
‘So I’m still your best boyfriend ever, then?’ He sits up straighter, chest puffing out a bit as he grins.
‘Ha, well, it’s hard to judge. It was all a bit silly, wasn’t it?’ I giggle and swig from my wine. My head is swimming a little. ‘We were just children back then really, weren’t we?’
I assume he will laugh but instead something dark crosses his face. I can’t quite gauge the mood shift so I gesture at the almost-empty bottle. ‘Would you like another drink?’ Isuggest nervously into the silence. ‘Wine or Malibu? Grown-up drink or daft, teen-us drink?’
‘Oh Esther—’ he begins, but stops himself. He looks like he will say something else but instead pushes back in his chair, his face contorted with some unreadable emotion, and leaves without another word.
For a moment, I sit still, stunned.
‘Whoa!’ I mutter to myself after another moment. What just happened?! I sneak a look to my left to find the formerly rowdy group at the next table now sitting in silence, looking over at me with a mixture of pity, amusement and accusatory glares.
