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AWOL.COM/Alice Edwards’ Travel Blog: Living My Dream and Feeling Very #Blessed
6 May – 6.12 p.m.
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7 Comments · 0AWOLs · 1 Super Likes
COMMENTS:
Kirpa Saul
|Oh hello, somebody justbutt-blogged.
Karen Gill
|We haven’t heard from you all week, been having too much fun?!
Ayo Damiunse
|Yeah! Fuckyou,AWOL! Let’s all post nonsense until we bring down The Man!
Eva Slate
|Miss yoooooooou, where have you been?! Answer my texts so I know you’re alive.
Ryan T
|WTFis this? Dumb cow
AWOL MODERATOR
Replying to Ryan T
|Hey Ryan! Luke here! I’m sure you’re just having fun but please be respectful to our users :) Cool chatting to you, bro. Luke
Ryan T
Replying toAWOL MODERATOR
|am not ur bro luke u dickhead
‘Owwww, ow, ow, ow, ow!’ I shout, wriggling around in the bed sheets. ‘Pins and needles, ow, ow.’
Dom reaches over and rubs my hairy legs. ‘Better?’ he asks, but it’s not. ‘I think maybe I need to get out of bed,’ I say reluctantly.
‘Nooooo,’ he booms, grabbing me round the middle. ‘I won’t let you.Nobody is ever leaving this bed.’
‘Well, you know, that is technically a kidnapping,’ I point out, wincing at the shooting pain in my left foot. ‘And I should warn you – other people are fight or flight in those situations – I just lose bladder control.’ I point down at my stomach. ‘Especially when I’m being squeezed.’
He laughs and lets me go, rolling away across the crumpled sheets.
Me and the Uber driver have been in a sex bubble for nearly a week now. We had one drink in that bar, before the horn took over. I wasn’t sure about the AirBnB rules pertaining to shagging strangers in your room, so we raced back to his in the Uber – only nearly dying three more times – for a night of shagging. I was a bit alarmed when he took his clothes off, because – much like everythingelse about him – his penis was really upsettingly large. He presented it to me in this delighted way, like I should be ecstatic about this massive, unwieldy implement. But honestly, I didn’t want it anywhere near me. There is a lot of talk about women preferring large willies, but in my experience, that is only the case because they quite like terrifying their pals with stories afterwards.Personally, I prefer anything coming that close to my internal organs to be as average as possible. But after some heated discussion, we agreed to make an attempt and, thankfully, Uber Driver made suitable efforts to ensure I was, er, ready for landing. All went as it should.
It’s been fucking lovely. And lovely fucking.
But I have also not really been able to poo in, like, a week. Hisbathroom is right next to his bed, and I couldn’t risk it. At this point, I am worried it has reabsorbed. Reabsorbed poo has got to be bad for you, hasn’t it?
